[untitled]

in rain thinking

standing under a grey old tree cover with bright green 

leaves 

as a wall of rain falls around us 

but we stay warm cause she is my only sunshine 

my light in the dark she's what keeps breathing 

beat by beat she makes me stronger 

her water soaked lips pressing against mine 

a sweet ecsticy enters my brain only to stain my heart 

with her name

and every time we talk i need another kiss

just to check my breathing

cause i need you like i need oxigen i need her to breathe

i pray that she never leaves me

cause now u see

that's all i can do is dream that u care for me 

plz remember that i love you 

and you know who you are for the past few years 

no one could make me shed tears only you 

 

son once again i love you 

plz remember me 

 

A.K.Bruhn 

Reviews

[CharlieO]

This is a lovely poem - well written - its feels like you have really managed to capture a moment.
There are a few spelling mistakes - just little things - but you say on your profile that you type fast so it may be worth having a skim through before you post - then again I am hopeless with that myself. There are times when your line breaks seem a little off - but then again that is my own personal opinion.
I know all that sounds negative but it isn't intended to be - I really like this poem. I loved your use of imagery throughout and the repetition - the reader is there sharing the moment.
Congrats on this write and thank you for your kind review of my piece.

[T.K. Bruhn]

nice poem man. i really enjoyed it. SUPERB!!