CONTENT WARNING:
A little bit gory, but not too bad.
Something I wrote awhile ago for the hell of it. Kinda weird.
Leave Me Alone
Alira Cohen
The grease is practically sticking to the skeleton.
Golden, oozing, so precious, I walk with it for days.
They tremble at the sight of the hatchet in my mit.
Little rabbits run like squirrels with flaming tails.
A hatchet with innards rusted on the face of it.
It has been unclean for twelve years, smiling silly.
I’ll never hate it the way I hate my masked mug.
The mask becomes the eyes I wished to hide away.
New holes are expanding, fiddling with the skin.
The hatchet twirls like a ballerina when it whistles.
It dances down the neck of a summer hare, swiftly.
Then just as easily it sews the seams back up, tidy.
Again, I am sorry but I am not a poet and therefore have little understanding of how they should be comprised. I am unsure as to exactly how the title relates to the piece. Perhaps I need to reread to make up my mind. I think the imagery is great and the way it is worded really enhances everything. I particularly like the likes:
“The grease is practically sticking to the skeleton. Golden, oozing, so precious…”
“They tremble at the sight of the hatchet in my mit.”
“Little rabbits run like squirrels with flaming tails.”
“A hatchet with innards rusted on the face of it.”
“The hatchet twirls like a ballerina when it whistles.”
Though they are graphic, they are excellent at, well, articulately transferring the image from your mind to my own.
I especially like the last line where you equated the murderous hatchet to a beautiful dance. A bit ironic. And how it whistles, which puts in my mind the thought of one calling to an animal. The hatchet does this in a way, though for a negative reason.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
Thank you! I did end up being pretty happy with the imagery in this one. As for the title, I don’t.. read moreThank you! I did end up being pretty happy with the imagery in this one. As for the title, I don’t want to say much because I don’t want to tell readers how to feel about stuff like that, but personally it was more influenced by me being in a grouchy mood at the moment and isn’t anything special, may even be changed lol. I came up with a sentence for the title and wrote the poem from there. For some reason those images were what I came up with. But yeah, your instincts about the title are right for sure.
Again, I am sorry but I am not a poet and therefore have little understanding of how they should be comprised. I am unsure as to exactly how the title relates to the piece. Perhaps I need to reread to make up my mind. I think the imagery is great and the way it is worded really enhances everything. I particularly like the likes:
“The grease is practically sticking to the skeleton. Golden, oozing, so precious…”
“They tremble at the sight of the hatchet in my mit.”
“Little rabbits run like squirrels with flaming tails.”
“A hatchet with innards rusted on the face of it.”
“The hatchet twirls like a ballerina when it whistles.”
Though they are graphic, they are excellent at, well, articulately transferring the image from your mind to my own.
I especially like the last line where you equated the murderous hatchet to a beautiful dance. A bit ironic. And how it whistles, which puts in my mind the thought of one calling to an animal. The hatchet does this in a way, though for a negative reason.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
1 Year Ago
Thank you! I did end up being pretty happy with the imagery in this one. As for the title, I don’t.. read moreThank you! I did end up being pretty happy with the imagery in this one. As for the title, I don’t want to say much because I don’t want to tell readers how to feel about stuff like that, but personally it was more influenced by me being in a grouchy mood at the moment and isn’t anything special, may even be changed lol. I came up with a sentence for the title and wrote the poem from there. For some reason those images were what I came up with. But yeah, your instincts about the title are right for sure.
Hello, my name is Alira. I am a young writer who is majoring in creative writing at SUNY Purchase; I write anything from poems, to short stories, to scripts, to novel chapters (I’m currently wor.. more..