Cryptanalysis

Cryptanalysis

A Poem by AJ Bell

I don’t know what we are now

I just know it’s not what it was
I fear that you don’t want to change
I fear you can’t see through my flaws
There are so many thoughts running through my head
It’s hard to keep track of what is real and what is not
I feel like I’ve been side swiped
You were hiding in my blind spot
Fragments of memories scattered all over the floor
Picture perfect memories, that don’t seem so perfect anymore
I dream of you when I’m not asleep
I dream of what could be
I’m at a loss for words now
This wasn’t anything I could foresee
What do you say, when you have said it all before?
I’m running out of breath
What do you say when no one’s listening anymore?
This silence is making me deaf
I’m unlocking all of the secrets
The door is open now
I’m just hoping we can make it through
But these trespasses, I can’t allow
I know I’ve made my fair share of mistakes
But I feel I am doing my part
I feel like nothing I do will ever change this
I fear it might be too late to restart
I know that is not what I want
I know what I want is you
But I’m afraid that you are unavailable
I fear there is nothing more I can do
It’s hard to feel so helpless…
It’s hard to feel so powerless and alone
We’re at a crossroad now
And it’s up to you to find your way home
I’ll be waiting here patiently
But I can’t wait forever
I will help you anyway that I can
I know if we try, we can make it through this endeavor
I’ve seen you at your worst and loved you through it all
My love for you is unconditional
But I can’t get past your wall
This wall you’ve put up is putting a barrier between us
It is keeping us apart
I can’t get in if you don’t take it down
We can never have a fresh start
The lying has to stop
It isn’t doing anyone any good
I know that you are just afraid
Afraid of being misunderstood
I understand where you are coming from
But you never know until you try
You break my heart a little more
Everytime you lie
I know that it will take time
But my heart will one day heal
This situation has caught me off guard
The whole thing is just so surreal
I’m going through the motions
I’m trying to find my way
I’m trying to read your morse code
But the message, you won’t convey
I need you to talk to me
I need to know the real you
I need you to be honest with me
It’s the least that you could do…

© 2016 AJ Bell


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

152 Views
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on April 13, 2016
Last Updated on April 13, 2016
Tags: poems, poetry, lesbian poetry, lesbian poets, lesbian poems, 3am, writing, writers, written, ink

Author

AJ Bell
AJ Bell

About
I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, Anxiety & PTSD 2 years ago. In 2013 I lost my therapy animal. In the Spring of 2014 my spouse of 6 years informed me that she had been having an affair & that we were .. more..

Writing
Seamless Seamless

A Poem by AJ Bell