0.5 Love

0.5 Love?....

 

Nothing remarkable, nothing stood out

You were just another person in my life

Nothing to indicate what would come, the good and the bad….

The exquisite torture that my future would hold

Cruelly hidden from me

Blind, a newborn not yet schooled in these games

 

Months passed, and we had quickly become good friends

Without even realizing it I wanted to spend more and more time around you

Your personality infectious

Your smile bringing brightness to my day

Your smirk frightening my heart into a run

Tender and caring, yet strong

And then it hit me….

A force so strong it left me paralyzed

 

Then confusion set in, the guilt and the pain

a wound so profound, so traumatic

To and fro

To and fro

Pulled in every direction

The battle- one of the mind and the heart

It’s wrong!

These feelings cannot be!

IT grips, tearing, deeper and deeper

I cannot give in

The pain overwhelms, the grief crushes

And then the realization hits…..

 

He does not understand, he does not seem to care

My journey through pain has only just begun

Can he comprehend my feelings?

My world is duller, emptier than it was before

his laughter is gone, his light gone from my world

I miss my friend……

 

Each day my heart breaks a little bit more

Time he says….

How long is long enough?

Will he realize my torment?

Punished for something that was beyond my control

Made to feel dirty, a perversion of society

The silence leaves wounds that fester

“Imagined” slights pervade

Pervasive in their onslaught

The hurt creeps in and takes hold

 

I fell for the wrong person……

 

A simple sighting rips open old wounds

My heart aches for what once was

And fights against what now is….

It is suffocating and debilitating

Nothing fits and nothing seems right

Why must I feel this way?

Why am I so weak

 

I am left empty and afraid

Afraid to lose more of those close to me

The pattern is consistent….

 

Just tired…..