Breathe

Gulping it down, holding it in.

Breath and release.

"Hold it in.” You tell yourself

One down, how many more?

You look up and see everyone staring,

Back down fumbling with a fork.

Stabbing a small piece of meat,

Slowly bringing it to your mouth

.

Inches away from your nose,

You take in the smell,

Your stomach churns.

Deep breath and release.

You move it in and shut your mouth.

They stop staring, they start talking.

Two down. You can’t take anymore.

They get up, go back to their lives.

You sit there a little longer,

Until everyone is gone.

Jumping up from the seat,

Running to the bathroom

Your vision blurred.

You run in and lock the door,

Slowly slide down to the floor.

You crawl over to the toilet,

Holding back the tear

That fill your eyes.

You hover over the toilet.

Thinking.

If their words were never said,

If their eyes never stared,

If my insecurities never came up.

If my self-hatred never thrived.

Your hand creeps up to your face,

Mouth open, fingers in, stomach out.

All of it, out and gone, staring up at you.

The tears are released, running down your face.

You collapse on the ground,

Clinging to the toilet, shaking on the floor.

Silently crying, tears covering your face.

“Am I beautiful yet?” You ask yourself.

“Am I beautiful yet?”

Author's Note

I asked to write a poem for a book. "Best Poets and Poems of 2012"
I am afraid to ask my English teacher to proof-read this because of the theme I picked.
If you find anything wrong tell me so I can fix it. Thanks.