Fight Club II (Fan-Fiction)

Tyler Durden recruits Isaac Satan and his old friend Ed for a revised Fight Club initiative to rob diamonds from a mafia-controlled Vegas casino and create some doctorate!

Man, all these heist stories have compelled me to make some kind of thief-opus, and this fan-fiction is a fanmade 'sequel' to the very popular underground novel which inspired David Fincher's shocking 1999 movie Fight Club , and it reflects all my artistic interests in American folklore, crime-stories, and of course...dogma! Thanks for reading, 

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Gentleman, this is the new and revised Fight Club. As you all know from our previous urban adventure, we'd built an entire global network devoted to the subversion of the dominant paradigm in our modern capitalism drenched world. We'd managed to terrorize the entire credit system of banking in the USA by destroying key buildings and infrastructure devoted to consumer traffic. Well, now we're simply a gang of thieves. Yes, my partner Ed and I are still devoted to mayhem and soap, and we're recruiting new members, new delegates devoted to our cause to create a new vision of life on Earth. I'm still your anti-friend Tyler Durden. I intend to plan something really incredible this holiday season. I'm still insane. So are you, my brothers (and sisters).

Now, we love precious things and sacred objects. We love particularly Rolex watches and Rolls-Royce cars. We're not snobs. We're not slaves to any Ayn Rand philosophy denouncing all forms of shiny things made by civilization. Yes, we love Rolex. We love anything that can be hoisted simply as totems of capitalism irony. A Rolex watch is both ornate and basic, so we wear them to hide our rebel identities and to embrace a consumer aesthetic so our fellow men and women wandering around this 'New Earth' as commerce diplomats don't suspect anything dangerous. We're not terrorists. My friends, Fight Club is devoted to the simple beauty of conscious decision-making.

We've recruited a new member. He's an online writer and comic book fan-fiction blogger named Isaac Satan who loves in particular thief characters and Thief comics. He's a big fan of Gambit (Marvel Comics), who's an anti-hero and something of a thief. Isaac is the ideal new representative and member of our revised Fight Club. Isaac's already helped me personally rob some jewelry stores on Rodeo Drive, and he's helping me plan something incredible during this holiday season. He's one of my new bishops, so I trust you'll treat him with the same level of friendship you've adorned me with over the years. Isaac's gonna help us design something terrific...before we all get old. He's a true believer, even though he wears glasses (haha!).

ISAAC: "I seek to help Tyler and Ed plan something truly wonderful this holiday season, but I have no idea what Tyler has in store, besides my gut instinct that he plans something theft-oriented and I think it's in Las Vegas, a 'toy city' in America, which is really awesome, because I just love toys."

ED: You think Isaac has what it takes, Tyler?
TYLER: Ed, have I ever let you down, man?
ED: Alright, alright; so what're we doing exactly this holiday season?
TYLER: Homo-erotic theft of diamonds in a Las Vegas casino!

ED: Are you joking?
TYLER: Just about the homo-erotic part.

Of course, as Ed, Isaac and I wandered around the Vegas hotels and casinos searching for the perfect angle to steal the precious $30 million diamonds stored in a casino vault-room by a mafia family frequenting one of the popular casinos, our good new buddy (an Ivy League graduate!) decided to fall head-over-heels in love with a gorgeous hotel housekeeper named Eva Brun. Yes, this young woman is no Nazi; she's a real American idealist, and Isaac thinks she's his special private angel. I intend to help Isaac perform this diamond-heist as the new Fight Club member and then win the affections of his sweetie Eva. Hey, I'm no blocker of love or marriage, you see?

So, here's the plan. Don't talk about this plan with anyone. We'll be entering the designated casino right before Thanksgiving this year. I'll pretend to be a 'wild-and-crazy-guy' (ya know, from those SNL comedy skits with Steve Martin!). I'll roam around the designated casino creating lots of noise and ruckus. This will grab the attention of the mafia-family frequenting the casino we'll be robbing. As the mafia family sends the appropriate men to deal with me, the ruckus guy, one of you'll befriend one of these guardsmen and get him to tell you where the diamonds are hidden after you get him drunk in the casino bar. I'll keep wandering around making various more subtle spectacles, to keep the mafia-family entertained!

Make no mistake, Vegas is not a playground but a gambling haven. So treat it with the respect, and you can avoid the authorities that make life for thieves a pure hell in such a place. This was a city originally designed for military-men by the great gangster Bugsy. We've seen that movie. Don't underestimate the security in Vegas. Think smartly. Think like a Fight Club rebel. Don't think like an idiot. Vegas is not a playground!

ED: "Alright, Isaac knows the diamonds we're stealing are worth over $30 million, and he'll be using his online blogs to dilute the media hysteria possibly create by the heist of really valuable Vegas diamonds belonging to a mafia family in America; Isaac'll create a special thief comic book media story to create some background entertainment about the mafia losing otherwise completely insured assets so the American public thinks of this more as a casino...diary!"

ISAAC: "Ed's so damn smart; he knows just what to say to keep us all calm; I'll only be thinking about how to perform and carry out this perfect diamond-heist of the mafia patronized casino in Vegas and after fleeing to the Virgin Islands with my new sweetheart Eva Brun; Fight Club made this all possible, and I'll never forget the raw genius of the calculating Ed, a man in a suit."

TYLER: "Now, the diamond vault-room is well guarded, but we've obtained a video recording of the goings-on and the patterns of security officials going in and out, and one of our Fight Club brothers will knock out one of these guards who goes to the bathroom with chloroform and then take his uniform and pose as a guard to gain us entrance eventually, since this is where those mafia diamonds are stored in the designated casino."

Unfortunately, we've discovered that Vegas cop John Wick is hot on our trail, and he suspects that the culprits behind some kind of staged mafia heist is being performed by that mysterious unnamed 'nationwide clan' of ruffians responsible for creating 'fight clubs' and attacking the credit system of banking years ago. John Wick is very smart, so we have to remain alert. Never consider him a trusted friend, my friends.

ISAAC: "I'm just fantasizing about Eva and I playing casino diamond games on our smartphones in the Virgin Islands!"

We were all in ski masks after posing as infiltrating waiters in the casino restaurant after we hijacked a casino wait-staff bus we actually stole and repainted to portray as a grand casino employee recreational tour experience, complete with in-ride drinks. This was no casino staff limo-bus; no this was a real heist. They'll never forget.

ED: "The grand tradition of Las Vegas is the hospitality of those seeking to celebrate and play with money and fortune, and our heist is no less entertaining a theater of human social diarism."

Isaac performed the actual heist of the diamonds beautifully; my goodness, I thought of myself in my younger days as a street pickpocket when I was watching the video-replay of his perfectly skilled diamond looting. He was the mafia's worst nightmare, no doubt. What a holiday!

FIGHT CLUB: Never try to repeat what was done here, because the consequences are purely hell.

OFFICER JOHN WICK: I intend to prevent this new clan of robbers from making this diamond-heist of the mafia connected family in our Vegas casino a comic book folk-tale, and I wonder if this strange new Vegas comic book fan-fiction blog about an underwater superwoman directing a diamond heist of a mafia casino I found the other day, made by some random underground comic book artist/writer named Isaac Satan, has anything to do with this diamond theft."

ISAAC: We did it, my love!

EVA: We owe everything to Fight Club, my dear.

ISAAC: God bless America.

EVA: Let's just retire safely and in peace, Isaac.

ISAAC: Yes, Eva...I'm an artist...not a terrorist!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

Reviews

[Kari Rakitan]

I've only watched Fight Club once, and it was with Marc from my story. Strangely, I've been seeing more references to it lately, so I'm tempted to watch it again.