Introduction & Prologue

Remember one thing - the Fear represents society.

“Happiness is an illusion. At least that is what we tell ourselves so that maybe, just maybe, we can conjure it into existence.

Fear. Fear is also an illusion. But one that we have no control over.”

-Aisha U-K Umaru

Prologue

The depression settles in amongst the darkness; thick as the fumes from the fading fire. Shadows rise with the flames and fall with the embers, effervescent in the dark night. Six figures sit around the fire, like celestial beings burning common sins. They wait in silence for something that they cannot see nor hear, but only feel deep within themselves. And it comes. The Fear.

The largest of the group, a boy named Seven, feels it rummage around in his mind, stealing laughter and euphoria. All it leaves behind is a withering coldness that seeps down into his weary soul.

The girl with honey coloured hair is intoxicated by it; it fills her every orifice, suffocating her until she splutters in delusion. And then it moves on, attacking a bleak and pitiful girl. It drowns her in unfamiliar sorrow. She cries out in despair but her lips stay unmoving.

Leaving her petrified, it moves to it's next victim. A second boy, this one with limbs as thin as the spectacles perched on his nose. Easy. It blinds him. All he can see is a blackness that threatens to consume his every being. The girl on his right is next. It overpowers her logic with fear of the unknown; the deadliest kind. Her sanity slowly thaws.

And then, finally, it is on to the last Being. A child. Asleep. It surrounds the slumbering child's aura, pushing harder and harder but nothing happens. Nothing. And then it begins to burn. Repelled by the purity of the oblivious youth it sinks back into the darkness. The child's innocence becoming it's moonlit wander; it's saving grace.

Author's Note

PLEASE REVIEW AND CRITIQUE HARSHLY

Reviews

[snaprabbit]

First things first, the opening quote is fine, but I would suggest you cut out the disclaimers at the start. Books depicting human society in a negative light are not new so there's no need for this kind of warning.

Maybe have "amongst" the darkness rather than "over," because usually darkness itself sets over other things, so this reads a bit oddly (to me at least).

Not sure why you've capitalised "Celestial Beings" because in itself this is not a name so doesn't need capital letters.

"seeps down into his heart" - is a bit overwritten and an overused line. Try and find your own spin to put on things like this. There's nothing 'wrong' with it, there just might be more inventive ways of getting the point across to make your writing stand out.

Overall it's a nice opening segment. Doesn't give much away to the reader but it's got a good atmosphere to it, and I like the idea of making each kid react in different ways. It's a very short segment though; I'd like to see longer chapters when you post them.

Hope this helps,

Jamie.

[Britt]

I suck at giving critique, haha. but anywho, this was a really good start and I hope to read more soon. :)

[Richard Man]

True hope lies in the heart of a sleeping child. In a box unopened by the ancients lies chaos.

I love the irony that the first of six is called seven... an indication, I suppose of what is to come ....all at sixes and sevens.
This is complete and therefore the sadness and terror is nothing but beautiful within the context and confines of this piece. Thank you

[Richard Man]

The illustrated story by Raymond Briggs, "Fungus the Bogeyman" has a piece of graffitti written on a wall which has become one of my favourite aphorisms. "Nothing is permanent but woe", very apt for this write.

[A.C. Davis]

Powerful. I feel just as affected by your writing as your characters do by the fear. It really draws the reader in and leaves them with so many questions. Very good, Ace.

[Romeana]

Very interesting read. It really draws you in. Looking forward to reading more.

[Lena Rossmore]

Thank you!

[Soul Fire]

Wow. Astounding. I loved it, it's wonderful. I'm just excited to meet the characters on a more personal level and learn about the setting and what has happened in their location and setting. I like this so far Please continue :)

[Lena Rossmore]

Thanks! And I will :)

[Soul Fire]

You're welcome!

[Astrid Falls]

From what I have read, this a wonderful start to a story, and it make me want to know more. Who are the characters? Where are they? Why? I think that the answering of these questions throughout an enticing and adventurous plot will make it phenomenal and will complete it. I am just an ameture writer myself, but i hope you can find my review useful.

[Lena Rossmore]

Thank you very much :)

[Astrid Falls]

of courses horses! i cant wait to see where you take it.