The Ghosts of my Past

As the birds surge towards me, their singsong voices manifesting through the forest, I stare at the fat deer that sits across the glimmering lake. I pull back on the string of my bow, arrow in position, and wait. The deer turns its head and I release the arrow into the sunset. It spins wildly through the air, a silent ninja flying towards its prey. I can’t see the arrow anymore. Suddenly, the deer drops limp to the ground. I jump up and cheer in victory. I’ve never killed a deer before. As I’m pulling out another arrow to defend myself on the walk, I hear a large bang from across the forest. A flock of sparrows fly in a synchronized beat away from the direction of the sound. I, on the other hand, swipe it off my shoulder as nothing but  falling tree.

I yelp in pain as one of the sparks jump out of the fire and puncture my cheek. The deer is sitting in a pile of butchered meat beside me, a leg rotating over the fire. I look up at the moon, in all its glory. I’ve heard many stories of the moon. I guess that when it was the year 1969, the first man landed on the moon. Left the first footprint. Stuck his country's’ flag in the ground. When I look back to the leg, I see that it’s almost burnt. I jump up in panic, because I never want to waste any scrap of food. I rip the rotisserie stick off of the stands. The first bite of food in two months must be savoured. And savour is what I do. I take the first bite out of the crispy leg, and shiver in delight at the juice dribbling down my chin. Even though I live alone, I still never know when my bow could break, or my arrows could run out. I don’t know when eating will become infrequent to me again. I always have to be smart. Thats what my mama told me. She said that I am a strong girl and I can survive if I think smart. I lay down in a soft spot on the ground, the fire put out. I close my eyes, and an image of my family sways behind my closed eyelids.

“ Run! Run, Lilias, run!” I gasped for air like it was my last. The kawolfs were ripping through the branches like a fish through water. Their distorted bodies attempted to reach for me, but I’m too fast. I look back at my mother, who lays on the ground, dying. I shoot an arrow at one of the kawolfs, and it tears through its skin, making it drop to the hard rock beneath. The others were easier, you could tell that they were getting tired. I turn around and run back to my mother. She looks up at me, and smiles. “ If you can’t find the others… If you have to live alone,” She coughs

in my face. “ Remember that you are a strong girl, and you can survive if you think smart. If you do find the others, make up an alibi for me,” She tells me with a sly grin. I wince as she starts to cough viciously. “ Don’t be oppressed by loneliness. If you find the others, don’t be oppressed by your brothers,” she laughs.

I wake up, jolting forwards. The rising sun illuminates the sky. I get up, and start walking around, each tree parallel to each other. I never did find my family. I lost track of time. I don’t know what year it is anymore. I don’t know how many years I have grown. I know that I was 15 when my mum died. I know it was the year  2614 when she died.  I know it was summer in the Scottish Highlands when my mum died. Thats just about it. I look up at the smoggy sky, wishing I knew what a blue sky looked like. As my eyes dropped downward, I see lines of smoke lifting off the ground like spirits. What is that? I thought to myself. I begin to sprint in the direction of the smoke, but I’m stopped abruptly by a mutt. I’ve never seen one like this before. It was larger than a wolf, yet had the features of one.

It’s fur is shaggy and greasy, looking like it was cut by a drunk person. The ears were flat against its head, which was bumpy, like it had welts from being beat. It’s teeth were crooked and deformed, bared at me. But it was the eyes that get me. They are my mums. The light brown, solemn blue eyes look at me with hate, instead of love. I feel the warmth of a tear slip down my face. I pull my bow off of my shoulder, slowly, as to not make it rush towards me. When I pull out one of my arrows, the thing snaps, and runs towards me. I let the arrow fly. It was too late before I realize my mistake. All the others come out, each with a pair of eyes from somebody in my family. Father, brother, sisters. Tears are spilling rapidly out of my face now. I start to run, running faster than ever, running from my past, running from my hate, running from my life. I now don’t know where I’m going, and I couldn’t care less. The mutts start slowing down, knowing that there isn’t a point in chasing me anymore. My foot catches on the root of an old tree, making me fall to the rocky ground. I wail like a child in pain. My sobs ring through the forest like a

gunshot. Memories rush back into my head, memories I don’t want to come back. My mum lying in the grass, dead, bleeding. My brother bullying me. My sisters fighting. My father going crazy. I get up once more, and run. My eyes are closed, and the tears are flying behind me like my hair. When I open my eyes, the world is blurring, looking like a messy child’s painting. I fall harshly to the rocky ground, my breath short, sloping into a cease.   

***

My eyes flutter open, and the light blinds me. I wince in pain, and when I look at my side, its bleeding. I push myself up, and look around. For miles, all I can see is bright light. The floor is a carved gem, shining like a pond of the forest. Suddenly, I know exactly where I am. I am dead.  

“ Lillias. It’s nice to see you again, darling.” The familiar voice startles me into turning around. The image that is there brings tears to my eyes for the millionth time today. It’s my mum.

“ MUM!” I scream and run at her, jumping into her arms like a baby. She pushes me away, and yet is still smiling at me, smiling strangely, but still with those warm, brown eyes.

“ You’re not staying here. You don’t deserve to die. You were so close. She says. She starts hauntingly walking towards me, occasionally twitching, like a malfunctioning robot. I realize this is not my mother, but a replica of her, a plaything of whatever rules the afterlife. It has her voice, but it isn’t her. That spurious smile on her face told me everything. The eyes are hers, though. Not even the eyes in the wolf mutts were as palpable as these. I begin to slowly back up, my eyes widening, but when I remember that I am dead and can not breath, cannot have a quickening pulse, I panic. I try to gasp for air, but nothing enters my lungs. My skin is cold as the floor beneath me. The doll in front of me comes closer, her pace quickening at every

step. I try to turn around, but fail to, as if millions of ropes are bounding me in place. “ Stop moving,” the thing clamours. I stop moving immediately, not by choice, but by force. The creature is inches away from my face, now, smiling savagely. “ It’s time for you to go,” she gingerly tells me, and ferociously shoves me. As I fall into a hole that randomly appeared beneath me, I see my real mother. She reaches into the hole, trying to grab me. But as quick as that happened, the puppet strings pull on her, and I descend into darkness.

***

The air glides into me, and my heart slowly starts to beat again. It seems really dark, but it’s probably because of the brightness I was just in. Standing up, I think about the traumatizing experience I just went through. Why weren’t my other family members there? I wonder curiously. The brown, poisoned leaves of Autumn crunch beneath my bare feet. I don’t know how many days have gone by since I died. I do know that the trees are getting quite thin, allowing me to see... a clearing? A burned down city? A radioactive wasteland? I start jogging, which soon evolves into a sprint. The trees leaves whip  my face, but I don’t care. If there’s any chance of an ability to live somewhere else, somewhere away from the mutts, I’ll do anything. I notice a fallen tree to my right, a fallen tree which is probably infested with creophagous termites. As I keep running, the trees begin to get thicker again. What the hell?  I think. This running keeps up for ten more minutes, and eventually, the trees thin out again. I have to pass by the exact same fallen tree before I realize I’m going in circles. I plop down on the grass, a raindrop wallowing in misery. The stars twinkle above my tear streaked face, and I soon fall asleep.

***

“ So close to reconciliation of your soul, Lilli. Keep going. You’ll find that

place. Soon.”

***

When I awaken, The sun Is gray and dull through the smog. Pushing myself up, I see a small blob off in the distance. I pull an arrow out and load my bow. The black spot obscures itself in the trees as it runs off. I start to follow it, swiftly racing through the woods. A sudden crack erupts beside me, and an old tree slams down in front of me, making me stop in my tracks.

This tree was obviously genetically engineered. The trunk was almost as tall as a high-rise, thicker than 6 large houses. The surface is smooth, yet there must be footholds somewhere. It can’t not have footholds. I examine the tree closer, and see there are none. It would take more than a day to walk around, considering the last skyscraper I saw disappeared into the clouds, but everyone said they went on into space. I looked down both ways, and I saw that they were right. It goes on forever. I have to climb. I need to know what that foreign shape in the horizon was. I jumped up and clung to the tree for my life. I felt like a supernatural, scaling the tree without footholds. I am almost there, so close. My hand slips on a mossy spot on the tree, and I fall to my death. Again.

NO! I scream in my head. I won’t die again. I have to keep going. I snatch a blemish in the tree, and am back on track. I start to slide up once more, knowing I will make it this time. I flop myself onto the top, breathing heavily. Now to get down the other side. i pull my sack of arrows and my bow off my back, throwing them to the ground. I fling myself to another tree, and continue doing so until I reach the ground. I pick up my items and start running in the approximate direction of the shadow. When the trees start getting thin, I’m worried I’ll lose myself again. No matter anyways, since I already lost my camp. I finally reach a clearing, and gasping, I do a double- take at the other people staring at me.