The Pit

This is a story I wrote a few years ago, while i was suffering through depression, and I just wanted to express my feelings in a more concrete form.

Susan sat in the pit, twiddling her thumbs and humming a melancholy song. Her songs always gave her comfort. Other people were in the pit, that Susan was sure, but she could not see them, only hear there wails and moans throughout the night. Often Susan joined them pitching her own voice as high as it could go. Although Susan and everyone else in the pit sang a sad melancholy song, not once would they ever converse with one another. It was an unspoken rule, although no one knew why.

 

For most people, including Susan, there was a time before they came to exist in the pit, but for most, especially Susan, that time was cloudy. There were vague memories of sunlight, an unfocused view of the world and lots of people swarming around. The pit existed at the other end of the world, in a shroud of cloud that made the memories of outside the pit impossible.

 

Every night, over and over, cries came from the pit. Perhaps, wondered the people in the pit, the people outside heard them. They were not quite sure but they sang anyway. Susan sat again twiddling her thumbs. There was nothing better to do. She looked side to side, and saw only the cloud move around her. She looked down, and saw blackness extend far below her, seemingly endless. She looked up, and near the top of the pit was a tiny white dot. Frightened by the white dot and all of the uncertainty that belonged to it, Susan looked down and consoled herself in the darkness at the bottom, for the darkness was familiar and comforting.

 

Sometime, days or months later, Susan looked again up towards the top into the white dot.  Maybe the light wasn’t so bad, Susan thought. And with all the strength she could muster she reached towards the white dot, climbing until it was so large it took the shape of a grand door. By now, she was exhausted. The journey to the top, had taken much of her strength. Susan leaned up towards the door, and leaned her ear against it. She heard laughing bringing back memories of before the pit.

 

Part of Susan was afraid, and part of her wanted to remember the time before the pit.  Susan cracked the door open, and a piercing noise broke through, reminding her of why she jumped in the pit in the first place.  Immediately she slammed the door shut, and went back to her spot in the pit, and the memory of her journey to the top began to fade into a distant memory. The only thing she remembered was that the journey was not worth it.

 

Sometime, days or months later, Susan sat twiddling her thumbs. After a while she got bored and looked side to side, and saw the fog drifting around her. She looked down, and saw the endless darkness extending into another world. She looked up and saw the white dot. Susan remembered that the last trip had not gone so well. Perhaps, she should go down and adventure further into the bottom. It only made since.

 

The trip down was much easier, than when she had traveled to the top. Other people were traveling down there too. Susan wondered why she had not thought of it sooner. After a long, seemingly endless journey, Susan reached the end of the pit, and found another door, though much less grand than the other. Afraid the door would not bear good tidings, she sat staring at the door for several days. Many people went through the door during this time. Like before, they did not talk, but only tilted their heads in acknowledgement. Right before each person stepped through, they gave one last wail of the melancholy song that originated in the pit, and then walked through not looking back.

 

Susan realized that no one came back through the door, and so what lie beyond must not be that horrible. Finally, Susan gathered her courage. She threw her head back, and wailed louder than ever before, ending right before the beginning of the pit.  With one last look towards the top of the pit, where happiness it seemed could not exist, Susan took a step through the door, fighting the will not to look back. Indeed, Susan succeeded in this final journey, and entered another universe entirely.

 

Reviews

[Seth Armstrong]

Interesting take on depression...I like it! I'm divided on your use of the word "towards" because I've always heard that it's more correct to omit the s at the end, however, I've also heard they're really interchangeable and it mainly depends on the form of English you're using (American English considers it more correct without the "s," and British English tends to lean with the inclusion of the "s"). I always omit the s, but it's really up to you, as the correctness seems to depend on who's reading it. Also, you seem to add comas where they aren't necessary sometimes. For example, there shouldn't be one in the sentence "The trip down was much easier, than when she had traveled to the top." nor the sentence "Perhaps, she should go down and adventure further into the bottom." The font also seems a bit small, and it feels like I nearly have to squint to focus on it. I feel that it'd be a bit more reader friendly if you increased the font some. All in all, this is a great little short story with only a few things to pick at! Good job!

[Charles Leighton]

You said she couldn’t see anyone throughout the story, so how did she see them all of a sudden at the end? The description of a pit was pretty good. Try a larger font next time. It was a little hard to read.

[Nessie_AJ]

Your spin on depression was very intriguing and relatable! Awesome piece of writing!