Stephen Fry’s Ballad Extended

Have you read/listened to "The Ode Less Travelled" by Stephen Fry? No? Well, in the book, Fry asks his readers to write a ballad that he started. Yes? Well, I just explained it didn't I?

 

Fry:

Now gather round and let me tell the tale of Danny Wise

And how his sweet wife Annabel did suck out both his eyes

And if I tell the story true and if I tell it clear,

There’s not a mortal one of you won’t shriek in mortal fear

 

I:

It was in the evening when it happened

Danny was eating away

When his wife came to greet him

Carrying a fairly large tray

 

She demanded him to take a look

And of course Danny did obey

For he knew his wife was rough and tough

She put his knickers on display

 

She hung them from a flagpole

Danny was in quite dismay

She asked the neighbours to take a look

And soon they began to say,

 

“Danny’s knickers on a flagpole!

How funny, how right

Danny’s knickers on a flagpole!

Comfy, but tight”

Danny knew his wife was a sweet young thing

Kind, honest, swell

But sometimes she’d act very strangely

As if cast by a spell

 

He was worried that when he looked,

He’d be afraid at what he’d see

Hoping against all hope,

He wouldn’t find the remains of Dan McGee

 

That story had scared him stiff

It made him shudder and cry

Sometimes he was so afraid,

He couldn’t go out at night

 

So now he looked down at the tray before his eyes

And there he saw in the clear lamp light,

A dead rabbit with no eyes

 

His wife confronted him

Asked why he’d do such a terrible thing

Danny looked at her in shock and cried,

“Me? I didn’t touch the thing!”

 

 

Annabel laughed and rolled her eyes,

She didn’t believe his tale

And asked him if he’d be fine to lose his eyes

As a token of betrayal

 

Soon, Danny was up against the wall

Not sure at what to expect

As his sweet wife Annabel

Approached him with disrespect

 

She licked her lips, a grin on her face

She was quite a sight

But Danny was more worried about losing both his eyes

 

Soon her mouth was upon him

And Danny screamed in fright

And soon his sweet wife Annabel

Had sucked out both his eyes

 

Darkness soon entombed him

He felt the warm oozing blood

His wife smiled maliciously

A sight he never saw

 

 

But now, quite unfortunately,

We come to the end of this tale

Remember children, and remember well,

Evil can prevail

 

It could be amongst us

Waiting in the trees

And soon as darkness unfurls

Suddenly you’ll see

 

Evil branch out,

Maybe even take a life

Or maybe you’ll be like Danny

And lose both your eyes

 

So let this be a lesson to you all,

Know your friends and know them well

Because that one mistake you make

Could send you straight to hell