Men, Not Beasts

A poem about humanity and violence, seen through boxing

Adolescent heads constricted
Tight grasp of aging leather and foam
Musk of aged exertion accompanies tang of new
Sweat highlight armpits,
Pink stains tile the ring.
Will I bleed?
 
Call my name. Step into ring.
Mirrors, gray walls fade
Tunnel vision
Jaws clench
We circle. Testing, prodding.
Waking beasts of temper.
Pulse hammering ears,
Forget to breathe
 
Draw closer, sizing up
Dark eyes over red fists
I HookBodyJabFace
Flatten nose
Distant voices
Must be a point
 
Dark eyes lose their cool
On the defensive now carefully
Careless vicious blows open face
Circle out of reach on toes and
I JabFaceCircleJabFace
 
Hail of red
Bashed in the nose
Animal rage emerges
 
Possess me
Ready to maim, avenge
Kill.
Fists fly unbidden
Flat on heels
Grunting angrily
Distant sound
Keep grinding fists to face
White shirt entering vision
Referee- s**t, it was the bell
Back away warily
 
Gasping for air, aftermath of primal exertion
Instinct-autopilot disengages slowly
Gray walls and bright mirrors slide into focus
Other people around the ring, silent
Squirt of warm water
Back to nursing ragged lungs
Emptily contemplating the floor
 
Strut to center of ring
Staring into dark eyes
Jaw clenched, arms and abs tense
Pulse accelerates, adrenaline anger rises
Bump fists
Bell rings I JabFaceUppercutJabFace
Blood spurts
Joy in the depth of the gut
Crushed his nose
Hurt him
Broke him
Consuming satisfaction.
 
There is no more blood
But many more punches
Later, sweat-soaked and bone weary
Peeling away damp gloves, wraps, headgear
We are alone in the equipment room
Surrounded by empty skulls and still fists
Good fight, man. You too.
Back on the shore of civility
Taken aback by ourselves.
Rage subsides, leaving only soul exhaustion
We piece together torn humanity.
Men, not beasts, I think to myself
Trying hard to convince

Author's Note

What do you think of word choice, rhythm, and the omission of spaces at certain points?

I'll appreciate any thoughts, but those are just some starting points.

Reviews

[SEO]

The rhythm in this is fluid and consistent I can feel the pulse of this piece and the fight you are depicting. The strength of this is its brevity I like how most of your lines are only a few words with minimal syllables because it adds to the excitement and swiftness of fighting. I think you should play that up more. They're are some instances, thr seventh stanza for example, where you begin to lose that sharp brevity I think maybe because you want to explain what's happening but perhaps you should strip it down more and let the reader fill in the blanks. The omission you use is good. I think you can use it more

[katja]

gosh, this is a really exhilarating read...
... your pace, word choice & theme coalesced brilliantly
*
apart from the odd tense clash i really can't pick any bones about this

pen on & thank you for sharing
~yekaterina

[LauraraMonique]

I thought this was great. And I adore your word choice. Great job. Do you do any other types of writing?

Best,

LauraraMonique

https://lauraramargosian.com

[CS Anders]

Thank you! Any suggestions for improvement?