This Isn't Mine

Still need lots of feedback!

This isn't my bed
Not my room
Not my achievements on the shelf
Not my memories plastered on the wall

This isn't my house
I shouldn't be here
We shouldn't be here
But what can we do

We can beg
We can cry
We can fight
But no sympathy will arrive

We are here, in someone else's home
Soon we'll migrate
But it wont be by personal preference

And it won't be back to our home
Instead to a place far away

A place down south
In the sun shine, in the warmth
But still not our home
In someone else's, again

Again pretending
Again mimicking
Again portraying
How we once were in the past, back when we were a family

We will leap, and plunge, but we will always land on our feet
Only to fall quickly to our knees, to wait, to pray
Hopefully our prayers will be answered
I can't take this confinement
Trapped in someone's life
That isn't mine

Reviews

[y&r]

Dang. This is amazing. One of the best poems I've seen here. I love the message below the poem. About finding a home. Very much reminds me of Carrie Underwood's song Temporary Home. I like how I got to keep thinking, keep reading between the lines to understand what this is all about, because you don't directly tell us but you hint to us with the most subtle words that I gotta detect. That's the perfect dose of telling what its about.

All I gotta say..............awesome! (added it to my library :))

[krbritt]

i really like this poem. its strange how we feel that way sometimes, isn't it.

[0_o Abbie]

oops that was intriguing. ha ha. I can't spell.

[0_o Abbie]

This is intriging. I like this poem alot. The flow is nice. I usually don't like poems that don't rhyme but I like this one. It seems to flow like a lot of non-rhyme-ing poems don't. I like this. And the message behind it. :D One of my favs. :D

[erikaguest]

Wow this is really good, I like it. The repetition makes the poem engaging and powerful. Your words come across clearly and with such a solid quality. Repeating the word 'home' guides the readers throughout the poem, making it evermore engaging to read. Great work! You have a lot of potential for writing - this is already a perfect piece in itself. Keep it up!