Chapter 2 Unexpected

Chapter 2
Unexpected

"I'm worried about Tj, I haven't seen him since he was called to the principles office, do you think he's ok?", I asked, Cassie,"Do you?", she replied. Something didn't feel right I felt as if I was being watched, I went to look for Tj, I even asked the principle about him he said he didn't see him ever since he ran off, I began to get scared what if something happened to him, I went to the only possible place I could think of, the roof, as I was going up the stairs I heard crying,"Tj?" I called, no reply, I cautiously went up the stairs, step after step, until finally I reached the metal door, while I was reaching for the door I heard a voice behind me,"You're not allowed up here." I turned around to see someone that I never saw before, he almost looked like a detective, short hair, dark skin, confusing eyes, something about him felt off,"I'm sorry." I said,"I was just looking for my brother." He just looked at me without replying, as if he was studying me, finally he broke the silence,"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.", I replied," That's because I didn't say it." After some time he said," Very well, go back down would you." I replied with a simple nod and went down the stairs. I kept replaying that conversation in my head, something about it felt off. All through the day I kept asking for my brother, no one saw him so at the end I thought he just went home. While I was waiting for the bus, I felt as if was being watched, so I looked behind me only to see the detective, staring at me with that blank expression he had on the stairwell, all of a sudden Chris appeared next to me,"Hey, I think we missed the bus.", I looked around and sure enough, there was no one here, "Not the first time." I replied, "It's ok, we'll just take a taxi.", "Where's Cassie?" I asked looking around the parking lot,"She went home, come on there's a taxi." He said as he was waving for the car. Finally after 15 minuets of waiting the taxi driver pulled up on our doorstep, but something felt wrong, it looked as if someone had tried to break down our door, I cautiously approached the door, with this terrified feeling inside of me, and Chris behind me, I opened the door.

Reviews

[Luna]

I will say Rama I can see you do have potential for writing. If I have to be honest I think I liked the first chapter a lot more than the second. Probably cause I could somehow catch up to the story but in the second chapter I kinda got lost and somewhat confused on the last part of the story but I have to say it still left me in suspense of what's going to happen next XD *can't wait*
I think the readers would love it if you explain the situations in your story a bit more but as a reader myself I realized your writing does have the power to suck a person into it. So all you need is a little bit more of practice and I think people will love your writing :)
Any way keep writing your heart out my friend ;)

[Mother Nature]

I agree with yazeed-kun I feel like I skipped a part, overall, it's amazing.

[Alice Maria]

Great chapter. I enjoyed the narrative, but I felt quite confused. I think it might be better in TJ,s point of view.

[College_guy]

You should work more on the details I feel like a skipped a part, but it's very intresting and brings a lot of attention to readers, keep it up.

[Akasha Rayne]

With this chapter there are details missing at some points as already mentioned by yazeed-kun. With the way that this chapter is formatted it is a little hard to read (block of text). With the amount of dialogue present there needs to be more descriptions or actions (not play-by-play) to break it up a little. Keep up the good work!

[Yazeed-kun]

It would have been better to mention this is from the brothers point of view because it was really confusing, and I feel like you skipped a part, when did they call the taxi? Did the taxi just appear?

[A little flame]

First person narrative from two different people so far, I love it! I do have some questions. How did El find out about the detective? How did the taxi get there so fast? Did they call it? Did they wave to it as it was passing by? Is Chris still with her as she''s entering the house? Excited to find out what happens next!

[Rama Masri]

Thank you for your review,
1) He looked like a detective
2) It was passing by
3) Yeah for they are neighbors

[A little flame]

Thank you. Looking forward to chapter 3 (: