The Sock Drawer

 

 

I couldn’t watch you walk

away last night so I went out

before you left

 

Lying face down on the bed

you pulled me to you

briefly, before your pain

made you push me away

 

“It’s not right”, you had said

“You don’t love me anymore

it’s like looking in a mirror

and seeing nothing reflected

and my whole being is bleeding.

I won’t let you lie to yourself

anymore. I love you but it’s

time to let go”

  

Back in our empty house

I don’t know what to do

I pace about, putting

rubbish in the bin and

retching feelings of

panic and devastation

swallowing hard

I suppress them until

they are somewhere

around my big toe

 

I cry myself ugly

and know that you

would still see beauty

in this swollen face

 

I remind myself to breathe

and curl up on our bed

clutching your pajama’s

 

And now on this first

day without you in

my life. I find myself

placing your socks in pairs

and putting them neatly

away in your drawer

 

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Oh dear. I am sorry about this. Tis sad sad. And it is all there. I can see it all. The going out...the bed...the pull, the pain, the push...the mirror. And then the empty house...the almost visualisation of the feelings...the sad humour of the big toe. And I agreed with the previous comment about 'I cry myself ugly' being a great line, which if based on reality becomes a tragic line. The clutching of pyjamas is poignant, as if clutching the lost love, but the poignancy deepens when you fumble with the socks. There seems to be a link between pushing the feelings into your toe and the socks in some subliminal way. It's a brilliant capturing of a big life event and your stunned reaction to it, which leaves you...tidying up...going through a familiar routine. The socks to the outsider may also represent socks or emotions or feelings. But I think you just were stunned.

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

I am so glad you had this backed up! I would have missed it!

Kath

[Liv(E)]

This is so sad, but beautifully written. I feel like it should be a song. It just gives me that feeling.

[Phil Askew]

O.K. I'm with everyone else who says this is sad, it's heart-breaking really. You have filled it with a great deal of originality, "they are somewhere around my big toe," "I cry myself ugly," and Stanza 1 is a great opening. The images you've created of a break-up are life-like and believable (if not true), and as such they grab the reader's empathy. All said, this is a great (did I say great again/) read, I mean it was interesting, it held me to the end. I do have a few suggestions: There is a tense problem and some confusion over when things happen. S1 is perfect. S2 can be confusing, and so I would add "Earlier," to start the stanza and add "had" before "pulled." S3, S4, and S5 should be in the past tense, i.e. "I didn't know what to do," "I cried myself ugly," "I reminded myself to breathe." Changing these to past tense will make S7 all the more poignant. In some areas I think you have overused adjectives, "sheer and utter."
This was a novel expression of a scene we all hope not to endure. The reader can feel the pain of the separation. Well crafted, the images of ordinary life become devastating. I loved it.

Phil

[Rain]

" I cry myself ugly" What a great line, to a very sad and poignant piece. Just beautifully written. Rain..

[Murphy]

This is such a beautiful expression. I wish I could clearly define exactly what it is that makes this so beautiful... I think it is just a beautiful response to a very sad occasion; a distinctly feminine response... a soft, innocent response. You have captured so much here... very nice.

[__Flaw__]

Hmmm...Kinda out of words...i guess. I'll just do with the review thing here...for now.
I guess, the difference between a sad poem and a really sad poem, is the feeling that haunts u when the dilemma itself had passed u by. Sometimes, it takes a few hours to get back to ur usual self...sometimes, it takes a whole new YOU to get back into some sort of calm endurance and motivation. And this poem really reflects that aspect very dramatically, though written in a very simple style, yet delivering heaps of emotion.
Brilliant indeed.

[Papillion]

This is a very sad and emotional write, you have a great talent for expressing sadness. I hope this is not based on reality!

[Karma]

Wow, I'm so sorry as well. I know your pain. This is really sad and the words have such an amazing impact. *Hugs*

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

I love it and I would not change a thing. I have a feeling you chose your words because of other words that were used in the discussion of leaving. Pain is pain and pain seemed part of why he was going to go. As soon as I saw socks I was reminded of a situation in my beginning of the end to my marriage. Endings come in small bits from a point of reaching limits. I was folding laundry and putting it away for the millionth time in the bedroom and just felt the emptiness that was there and that sock/putting away laundry was symbolic of all I had tried and all that was not there any more. The first day without... you went to something routine that would give you comfort.... it truly is putting one foot in front of the other some days.... (we will keep the foot references going...) *smiles*
kath