Hidden Depths

Like the child

at a birthday party

who got passed the parcel

and whose excitement grows

as each layer of wrapping

is torn off,  

I get to admire

the new one

that lies beneath.

My eyes widen

in anticipation

as the prize is

gradually exposed

and I find myself peering

into your previously

hidden depths.

Reviews

[Don Coorough]

Great twist at the end. You really capture the childlike innocence that lives in all real love! May I make one small suggestion? OK, well, I will anyway. :) You begin with "Like..." so you begin with a simile. Then, where the simile should go into the what is being compared, you insert an "and" first. My small suggestion is to take the "and" out after "torn off" and insert a comma after "off." That way, the simile is magnified and allowed to work in its natural way. Otherwise, my goodness, what an excellent piece! - EllisD

[Lyrical Love]

Deeeeeep! Thanks for the spin...
Awesome write!

[Orlando Murcia]

This was a great little piece
Thank you for sharing
it was really cute

It was so youthful
and innocent

Orlando

[Forest Green]

A beautiful metaphor...insightful, too. Very enjoyable...!

'...the new one that lies beneath...' Excellent.

Nice work April.

Daniel

[SPINNING ON that dizzy ..]

Ah, presents are the best. I love the images here..... the anticipation, the hope, the pure joy..... the delight, the sweet readiness....... like this alot.... it is going in my favs for days when I need to feel the dazzle of that feel .... here - if I give this to you - will it make you happy? I want it to...? haha

Cool poem.

Kath

[Murphy]

Now imagine the excitement of the parcel. :)

[PianoandPage]

nice. great subtle use of alliteration (which always gets me). :)

i love how you take the childish glee and abandon of tearing off the wrapping paper....

growing up that glee turns into "gradual unvieling" not less excitment but a new way of appreciating...

this is a very nice piece. your writing is as always a joy.

[R J Askew]

Nice one, glad to see you back again. It is great when we can still enjoy the curiosity we had when we were younger. What can be better than a surprise? Can see the eyes gaping!

[Ralphy]

A beautiful poem. it flows so smoothly with a enthusiastic rhythm. I like the way you describe your excitement.

My eyes widen
in anticipation
is this an new addiction to the family?

[Gandré]

what a sweet poetic expression I adore it totally.. I love the way you write. amazing, dear, this is a very special thought. I thought this was romantic and innocent; I was knocked sideways by the simplicity of the poem and this anticipating with confidence of fulfilment.

My eyes widen

in anticipation

as the prize is

gradually exposed -------- loved it.