Parnel Avenue

When hope is gone

Here I am again
Sitting behind my work
Taking my 6 o'clock break for the millionth time
Smoking my millionth cigarette
Sending you my millionth text message

You haven't answered me in a month
At least

It's already dark
It's November now
And the sun can't stand the cold

As I watch the embers burn away
And inhale their offerings
My phone lays still and silent in my hand
My hope set with the sun

When I drive home tonight
I'll miss the red light
And the blaring horn
And smash myself to pieces

Reviews

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Arewebothcrazy,

I still think the answer to that is yes, You crazy in allowing yourself the disappointment of a non text back. And me crazy in the fact I love the dismember women. Honestly, I think you are much more crazy then I, considering you would allow it to eat at you so much to get yourself killed in a car accident,

And honestly, would a miss call lead you to wanting to kill yourself? Was it that important of a call? Was it from your sweety? A shame really, someone so loyal shouldn't be let go so easily. I could have fun with you.

Darkly Always,

Matthew

[paul]

really great human stuff and then
a homerun line: 'the sun can't stand the cold'

'my hope set with the sun' - another homerun

and the end : a grandslam

[nighttimesnoozer]

oh nooooooo!!!!!!!! wow very cool

[PaperHearts]

Wow, this was a really fascinating write. I really liked the dark tone of this piece, and the style of your writing, particularly in the first stanza. The subtle way in which the poem culminated was really intriguing, and made the way the poem ended seem all the more surprising and all the more hard hitting. A very well-written piece. Nice work,
~PaperHearts

[Marie Harrison]

So sad. Maybe stop off for an ice cream instead. Wonderful poem. Beautifully penned. I've felt this way befor too.

[YouoweYoupay]

Aww...the ending made me slightly startled. I disliked the weakness of the narrator, but I loved the passion in wanting their loves ones back.

[xNote_to_selfx]

This is nice, I liked it. I feel a sense of longing in this poem, maybe you were waiting for a call from you significant other or maybe a sibling or a parent you haven't seen fin forever, idk. But all together a good write. :)

[Brad]

oh my gad, i have felt this way "a million times over"...i've had the car parked on the train tracks waiting for 1000 tons of relief to hit me...well done, you took me there eventhough i didn't want to go...that...was awesome

[momo]

great imagery! the whole scene just came to life with the writing very nice! also very sad but very good!

[Alicia™]

I like this poem… It has an accent of despair about it. The picture it paints in my mind is a rather interesting one.

Something that's bothering me, though, is that you didn't have punctuation at the end of lines.