Ruth

Ruth

A Story by Arsenic Nemesis
"

And so I met her, the mistress of darkness...

"

There she was; none could miss her. The one that I had been anticipating to make an acquaintance with for moons aplenty, and now she had come to me. Around me, the others fled and dived into brick safety. Colourful curtains were drawn and all went silent, still, influenced by her presence.

How could I possibly describe such a wonder? One that no beauty in my little, grey world could compare to. In my days of light, I would wake up and slip from my chambers into the kitchen and brew up a fresh morning coffee. After which I would accommodate myself for work and, only when I was certain I was organised and bid farewell to my boyfriend, would I slip out of my shelter and into the wide world.

My journey to work upon my rusty, steel horse would always be so very dull and calculated. Engines go. Red light. Stop. Amber. Engines go... On and on in a vicious circle down this road and the next, and the next. Then, I would find my place of work and thus my day of tapping on a keyboard, staring vacantly into a brightly lit screen, would begin.

Finally, after a day of writing, mingling and beverage intervals, I would return home and rest up �" tomorrow, I knew, would be the same day once again. Perhaps the weather would differ? Or maybe the lights would not change so frequently on my trip?

None of my bleak world mattered anymore, for I was in her domain. The mysterious, quiet and bloody mistress. There were those who feared her and those who marvelled her. Some would see her as a monster and hunt her at the dead of night; others would creep into her mystical realm and watch in awe as she would pass by.  

She was a hunter. She was a killer. She was the most beautiful thing that I have ever laid my eyes on.

Hidden by a veil of darkness, she glided on her journey effortlessly; there was no force on this tiny planet that could stop her. She could be as humble as the rolling tide. She could be as dangerous as a guided missile. And here I was, in danger and not at the same time. Did I feel the thrill of the threat or the stab of fear? Neither, I was in bewilderment. Such beauty could not be understood on the TV screen or in textbooks �" it can only be appreciated in person.

Abruptly, she swivelled around, her body angled towards me. I stop, hovering about the rocky homes of those who have vacated the area. In my mind, I could almost hear them screaming, mocking and crying at me; you fool, don’t you know what she could do to you?

Of course I did, but I knew that she would not. Contrary to popular belief, she was not a monster of the night that would drain one’s blood as soon as look at you, she was merely curious.

She made her way over to me and rays of broken light splashed onto her. Smooth, untainted grey skin covered her entire body. Onyx eyes and a velvety snout glared into the distance. Her lips parted and revealed to me rows upon rows of ivory, dagger-like teeth. The air about her was mystifying and serene at once. She eyed me, her fleshy frame much bigger than my own. Behind her swished a tail as sharp as a knife, slicing the inky ocean with ease and precision.

As though I weren’t present, she swam past me and gradually vanished into her home; into the shadows. I gave a sigh and satisfied bubbles escaped my mask. In less than a minute it was over and she was gone. But, that minute would stay with me for the rest of my life, the day I met her, the one true being of the darkness.


My fair acquaintance Ruth.  



© 2010 Arsenic Nemesis


Author's Note

Arsenic Nemesis
Yes, I am aware this is not LITERALLY fantasy, mortals, however in my opinion this is, for I find it a mystifying experience to go diving. Although I have not been, not properly anyway, I have such a desire to and I am dying to see a real shark in its natural enviroment one day. I find them very, very beautiful creatures who are most misunderstood; and so I decided to write a short story of a girl's experience meeting one - meeting her. Please, mortals, enjoy~

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comma after "Colourful curtains were drawn"
"After which I would accommodate..." - I think this sentence would work well combined with the previous one that ends with "fresh morning coffee."
"rusty, steel horse" - no comma
comma after "place of work"
It looks like you're having the same problem I did: dashes replacing themselves with double-quotes.
"those who marvelled her" - dropped word? - do you mean "marvelled at her"?
"have ever laid my eyes on" - "had ever"
"Neither, I was in bewilderment" - semicolon, not comma
"I stop" - "stopped"
colon, not semicolon, after "mocking and crying at me"
semicolon or period (full stop), not comma, after "as soon as look at you"
comma after "over to me"
comma after "gave a sigh"
comma after "it was over"
no comma after "But"

(Feel free to ignore any grammar/punctuation corrections that go against standard UK usage.)
The mood of this is depicted well. I like how you never actually say "Ruth is a shark" (I admit, I thought "dolphin" at first), but you give just enough description - smooth grey skin, sharp tail, etc. - to let the reader know that Ruth isn't anything humanoid. Also, good job not mentioning the "dagger-like teeth" until you describe the rest - I'm sure some readers would latch onto the teeth and decide that you were describing some kind of vampire... :)


Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

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ali
I loved how you described something in such a mythical way. Even when you talked about going to work, typing on a keyboard, and taking "beverage intervals," your unique voice stood out and shaped the story.
There is only one sentence that stood out as kind of awkward, it was "And here I was, in danger and not at the same time"
maybe you could show the dichotomy of the situation better by saying, here i was in danger and completely safe at the same time. It's just for flow's sake. This is really good writing though

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really liked it. I must admit I had no idea what the creature was till I read the Authors Note but that's what they're there for right? Anyway, awesome job! XD

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow I loved this. This was great ending and in some ways an ending every horror writer dreams of....that one chance encounter with a true being of darkness. At least for me, I have always wanted that. To see the true thing and understand it better so that I can write of it on a more in tuned basis. Might scare the hell out of me...might even drive me mad..but it could be worth it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

that was awesome. love how the overall idea was not completely given. very cool :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

comma after "Colourful curtains were drawn"
"After which I would accommodate..." - I think this sentence would work well combined with the previous one that ends with "fresh morning coffee."
"rusty, steel horse" - no comma
comma after "place of work"
It looks like you're having the same problem I did: dashes replacing themselves with double-quotes.
"those who marvelled her" - dropped word? - do you mean "marvelled at her"?
"have ever laid my eyes on" - "had ever"
"Neither, I was in bewilderment" - semicolon, not comma
"I stop" - "stopped"
colon, not semicolon, after "mocking and crying at me"
semicolon or period (full stop), not comma, after "as soon as look at you"
comma after "over to me"
comma after "gave a sigh"
comma after "it was over"
no comma after "But"

(Feel free to ignore any grammar/punctuation corrections that go against standard UK usage.)
The mood of this is depicted well. I like how you never actually say "Ruth is a shark" (I admit, I thought "dolphin" at first), but you give just enough description - smooth grey skin, sharp tail, etc. - to let the reader know that Ruth isn't anything humanoid. Also, good job not mentioning the "dagger-like teeth" until you describe the rest - I'm sure some readers would latch onto the teeth and decide that you were describing some kind of vampire... :)


Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

wow....this is beautiful. i love how you say 'She was a hunter. She was a killer. She was the most beautiful thing that I have ever laid my eyes on.'

Posted 8 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 18, 2010
Last Updated on December 18, 2010

Author

Arsenic Nemesis
Arsenic Nemesis

Redcar, United Kingdom



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