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Flat Line

Flat Line

A Poem by ASHLEY
"

Its about a car accident, which turned out really ugly, and how the person is interpreting his surroundings. yes, the person dies in the end.

"

White coats aflutter

Semi-conscious

Thoughts in disarray

Floral scrubs blend together

As when

Zebras run from hunter

Beeping hearts

Semi-conscious

 

Wheels screeching

As children do with needles

But this isn't about needles

This is life or death

But you are only

Semi-conscious

 

The beeping ceases

A constant monotone rhythm

White coats aflutter

© 2008 ASHLEY


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Featured Review

Very well done. I compliment you on your style, it isn't drawn out and "fluffed" with useless information that bores the reader, but still kept me going. The only thing I would suggest is to add an "a" or a "the" right before the word "hunter". Its not a huge thing if you don't, just my humble opinion.

This one felt almost too real...put out some more like it!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

really kewl poem hon... loved the analogies you presented...

Welcome to the Cafe too! :D

Faerie Blessings!

--faerie whisper (breaking the silence...)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Haunting! Wonderfully thoughtful.
I love the way you build the images and impressions with such lean language. It is a remarkable talent. Especially within the freedom of informal poetry.
Thanks for sharing!
David

Posted 11 Years Ago


Short but elusive enough to force the reader to think of what is going on. Good write.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very well done. I compliment you on your style, it isn't drawn out and "fluffed" with useless information that bores the reader, but still kept me going. The only thing I would suggest is to add an "a" or a "the" right before the word "hunter". Its not a huge thing if you don't, just my humble opinion.

This one felt almost too real...put out some more like it!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 18, 2008

Author

ASHLEY
ASHLEY

Magicland, WA



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A Poem by ASHLEY



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