The Exodus

A Story by Ashley Camden

Continuation of my progression through this life...

With the passing of time and the coming of age is the dawn of understanding and knowledge, or the hunger for it. On this, the eve of my 23rd birthday I have come to hunger and thirst for understanding and wisdom beyond my years and seek spiritual growth as well. Nothing is more desirable for me than to grow as an individual. Recently I have realized that the future really is in my hands and if I want it I should fight for it. I am learning that nothing worth having is just given, but earned. I am learning that my identity is who I decided based on who God has programmed me to be.

For example, not to long ago I was introduced to Mary Kay. I tried the products and there were some that I did not fancy and some I quite fancied. But I felt pressured to join and become a consultant. I did and found that the ladies I was around were inspiring but with that came confusion and a part of me that didn't feel like this was the thing for me as much as I hoped that it was. I love make up because it's loads of fun but I am not the type of person who is good at selling something, especially when nobody I know will listen anyway. So today I discovered something so freeing in me that I had to share. I discovered that you don't have to make just anything you love a career. I love make up and crafts but I don't have to make it a career because other people are doing it or because it's the hottest thing right now. I need to chose what I love because I would enjoy doing it as my job. I can do anything if I set out to do it and not let anyone stop me. I am an adult and I don't need the approval of anyone if I chose one thing or another.

Today I have decided not to be afraid of people. I am freeing myself from this mile high stone wall I created. Stone by stone I am knocking down insecurity, fear, mistrust,disbelief, and confusion. If I want it I'm going to grab it. If I think it can happen I'm going to do what it takes to make it happen. I have learned to take it with or without male influence. Going from a parent's home to a husband's home isn't easy but it's not difficult either. I have been married only 10 months but I think my husband and I have something not many couples have even in a year of marriage. We have drawn from our own experience from others around us and decided how we were going to be married, and it is working our nicely. We get along well, don't get me wrong, but I didn't have a transition of independence and freedom after coming of age. I went from being with my parents to then getting married.I didn't belong to just myself which ever woman needs to have, but God is good and I am not complaining because I am in a great place.Tonight I was talking to my sister-in- law and she was alone six months before meeting my brother-in-law( my husband's brother's wife) She loved it. What I noticed was that our experience is relatively the same. She was alone and had to figure out what to do with herself and because my husband works till midnight I am learning how to fill in that gap time. For a twenty-three year old I feel like I'm in a good place. Sure I feel insecure about certain things but that is okay with me because I know in other areas of life I am a lioness on the prowl for freedom and new things.

I never thought in a million years I would actually feel the way I do. I never thought I would at my personality or behavior and see a grown woman, but I do. I feel my age and it's a great feeling. Freedom has never tasted so sweet in my existence and life has never had more meaning than right now. I can say it is well with my soul.