My Letter

It's an old one, but I love it. Apr. 2009

When you last looked at me,
What did you see?
Did you see who I am?
Or who I want to be?

When you told me goodbye,
I wanted so much to die
But I calmed down enough
To just let myself cry

So I took down the mask,
Just in case you looked back
Didn’t like what you saw then?
Here's another chance.

But I put it back on
When I knew you were gone
And it only comes off
For others who are withdrawn

I'm scared because of you
And I'm tired of it too
And I always think
What the hell did I do?

Your touch left my face
And I'm lost in this race
And more than that,
Lost in disgust and disgrace.

My heart feels like the sign
“No stopping any time”
For fear that if I pause
This pain will never resign

I'm tempted to talk to you
But who knows what You'll do
It’s a risk that I'm not ready to take
Not until the memories are subdued.

I want to be us again.
But from the beginning, not from the end
My lies turned ours into a fragile glass love
I cant take that were not even friends.

Though nothing that I do
Will change what I did to you
I cant help but say sorry every day
For every time I was untrue

And the mask I wear it proud
Though it lies so strong and so loud.
It's not the me that I wanted you to see,
This face I wear for the crowd.

Reviews

[SonOfaSailor]

I just posted a poem about our masks.. We are taught from the day we can understand words that these masks are not only necessary, but that it's rude to not put one on every time that we are feeling anything from happy. It is most definitely more a cultural problem than a personal. we all do it and indirectly teach it, although it still is a form of deception if you ask me.
I love this writing and especially how true to your emotion it is :) Sad, but great writing. Maybe try that scary pause and let your mask off for a little while each day, or for a few specific ppl that you are close to. I've noticed that my mask does nothing but make me unhappy. Just some advice from one introvert in disguise to another

[Writer360]

Right on! It's a good piece, but in my 17 yrs of life I found it much easier to be honest and just let what happens happen and work up from there. I feel it hurts the people you love more when you hide your true feelings than to just spit out the truth in a way that is not totally harsh but at the same time true. I always found that it makes your relationship with someone stronger that way; it allows that wall or walls, that were in between the two of you, come down.