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This is just something I wrote, and I was thinking of writing a story around it.

 

She beat the wooden door until her hands were raw. Only then, did she crumple to the floor in defeat. She began to cry, the thick stream of tears running down her face replacing the usual white flag of surrender.

            The door opened. She tumbled backwards into the room. She tried to straighten her body as the back of her head connected with a hard object.

            Her legs went over her head, and they were followed her butt, until she had completed a perfect backwards somersault. She sat up and her head connected with another hard object. She cried out in pain as she fell down again. She blindly groped around in her pockets for his flashlight.

            She found it and flicked the switch. The flashlight’s light beam sputtered and then died. She shook the flashlight furiously, and tapped it against her hand a few times just for good measure. The beam sputtered a few more times, and she held her breath, anxiously waiting to see what the flashlight decided. The beam sputtered a few more times, then stayed lit.

            She released her baited breath, and let out a sigh of relief. It was one of the few items belonging to him that she had left. She scanned the dark place quickly with the flashlight. The flashlight’s beam passed over something odd-looking. She pointed the beam at whatever it was that had caught her eyes. She screamed.

Author's Note

What do you think? Would it be a good (part of) a story? And as for the image that you see, I'm kind of imagining that's what she looks like.

Reviews

[Sydelle Houston]

I think it would make a good section of a story. I am a fan of the supernatural and this would make a good reaction to a ghost or a shape shifter. Put yourself in the character's position and use all five (or six) senses in the description.

Did you underline the "she's" so you would replace them with her name? ;-)

[Jessi Webb =)]

This story is amazingly written ! I loved it, I also love how you left it on a cliff hanger ! Like I said, it is amazingly written, and I think you should continue it as a book ! You have talent, and I think you could become very succesful once you get older ! I wish you the best of luck, and I praise you for this writing !