Headache

Just a little poem to clear my thoughts.

That dream

From last night

Flashing through my head

Please go away!

 

My subconscious hates me

I don't love him

I don't want him; I hate him

What are you trying to say?

 

My brain is running by itself

I can't control it

It's obsessed with that dream

This isn't fair!

 

Why me

What did I do

That dream shouldn't mean a thing

But yet my heart's about to tear!

 

Him leaning in

Me smiling

Our lips about to touch

I almost woke up screaming!

 

But if it had gone on

How would I have awoken

While asleep, I accepted it

But in real life, he'd have to be dreaming!

 

Right

Right

I don't know any more

I'm mixed up and confused!

 

He hurt me

So now I want to hurt him

But something's halting that train of thought

And leaving me with the blues!

 

And that other boy

Who I claim to hate

He too is on my mind

But he really shouldn't be!

 

Because my friend is the one who likes him

And I know he likes her too

They're always flirting with each other

My friend nevers thinks about me!

 

She apologizes for attracting guys

That annoy me to where we are

I smile and say it's okay

But inside I scowl and yell at her!

 

She's bragging but not meaning to

She's mocking but not meaning to

And I'm green with envy

My line of sight is all a blur!

 

Because I deserve a chance

And I deserve love

I deserve to feel beautiful

And I deserve happiness!

 

But I'll never get these things

Because Fate is cruel

And love is not kind

I'll never get my eternal bliss!

 

When I'm with my friends

My self-esteem plummets

And I feel insulted

I shouldn't have to feel tormented!

 

I'll never get the guy I want

They'll get him first

And though they are my friends

It is my heart that shall be lamented!

 

Now my head finally feels clear

But my thoughts are still jumbled

I want to escape reality

But I have nowhere to escape to!

 

Because although I've loved I'll never be loved

And I've hated and have been hated

My life will never develop into a clear picture

There will always be random black dots that seem to spell out, "SCREW YOU!"