That Spring Morning

We all want promotions

 

It was a brisk spring day, about 45 degrees Fahrenheit as the dew laced my windshield.  I drove the country roads on my way to work while the sun inched its way to the horizon. Sipping my cappuccino, my eyes still peeled back from a short, sleepless night after a long but satisfying day. Excitement has overtaken my mind, since every vital sign was elevated. That would be a good reason not to drink coffee but...got to have that express lift. The engine purred as if it were brand new, while my jams rocked the suspension. 

Man, it was nice to sniff the morning air with the freshness that I just want to bottle and sell. The calming effect expelled with a sudden sigh of relief, wow, almost at work.  I  can't wait for this most prestige day. When reaching for my sunspecs, I turned East towards the facility as that great ball in the sky blinded my descending ride. Today was the big day. The day that I would move rank and jump 40 percent in pay and become the head of the leading engineering firm on this side of Chicago.

As I pulled into the parking lot, the guard greets me with a stern voice;

 “Hello Mr. Piccolo. How are you today?”

“Just a bit nervous, Tom, just a bit nervous.”

“Good luck Mr. Piccolo, “Tom said with a smile.

I just nodded back and thought, “this could be the most precious day I every experienced in the world, at least so far. 

I parked in my ordinary parking spot, because I was not officially promoted yet. I couldn't wait to park next to the engineering entrance door. The difference of walking  half a mile to a few feet crossed my mind, although it was good exercise that kept my stomach flat.

As I walked across the parking lot, I glanced at my acceptance speech and wondered if it was conceited.

I want to thank you for this opportunity as the head engineer of Global Automotives and Apparatuses. I’ve truly worked hard to better this company, its employees and its customers and look forward to a devisable beginning as we strive towards a profitable future with high dividends. 

I guess that will do.

As I entered the building, I saw so many friendly smiling faces that I couldn’t even believe that I knew these crazy souls. There was Mary, winking as if I was her hottie and Janis splitting the group, reaching for a hug. Jerry cracked some strange type of joke with Arthur and he started laughing uncontrollably. What a group of engineers I thought to myself.

As I reached my office, my assistant called me, “Mr. Piccolo, Mr. Taylor wants to see you as soon as possible.” 

“Ok Sally, but please call me Ralph…I hate the sir stuff.”

“I’ll try to remember that Mr. Piccolo.” she said with a nervous under tone.

As I turned to leave I displayed a puzzled smirk on my face, not sure why the double step (an expression of confusion). Who knows, maybe she had a rough night.

On my way to Jack Taylor’s office, I stopped to pour myself a steamy cup of coffee; one thing about this firm is its great tasting coffee. Actually In the top engineering magazines, they mention our Brazilian coffee as a delightful taste experience.

Jack was waiting outside his office when we made eye contact, but he didn’t seem very happy. That was two people in just about 5 minutes that displayed a convincing undertone, (one verbal and the other facial), what the hell is going on?

“Ralph, please come in at once,” Taylor hurried me in. “Please sit,” he said with a gestured”. 

The first thought that came to my mind was I didn’t need the coffee, as I placed it on the coaster and sat back in the chair. At that moment, a knock came at the door. It was James, the security guard who was also here for the meeting.

“I have rather bad news Ralph; it seems the quarterly projections show a 20 million dollar deficit. We over spent our budget 4 to 1 and our stock holders are rather disappointed. We traced the loss to your department. This company's zero tolerance is not to allow an over budget of any sort,” said Taylor.

“But…,” I said as he interrupted me.

“And furthermore, some equipment that you stated we purchased is unaccountable in this facility. 7.5 million dollars of robots and machines are not in the specified location, and we feel that theft or embezzlement has been encroached upon here,” Taylor said angrily.

“But Jack, that’s impossible; I check everything and we had a net profit of 65 million dollars. How in the world did we end up with a huge loss?” I said with a surprising squeak.

My inner voice was chattering and I could hear myself saying: I don’t like the sound of this or the direction it’s going and here I came to receive my promotion and it looks like termination is in order.

“Ralph, I want you to clean out your desk. As with everyone set forth by our bylaws for termination, James will accompany you until you are off of the premises.” Taylor said sternly.

The pressure began pushing against my eyes as the sorrow began to sink in. I stood there as my thoughts ran wild: What the hell am I going to do, jobs are not growing on trees, I can’t just grab one? I turned towards the door and saw a crowd of people staring. I did my best to hide my tears but to no avail. A bright light blinded me for an instant when I heard Mr. Taylor say,

“By the way Ralph, APRIL FOOLS!”

 

  

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Annalisa]

...Oh my... that man was evil O.O . But putting the evil boss aside, the story was very good, it was engaging and drew me in quickly. There is a LOT of foreshadowing in the beginning, so I had already guessed that Mr. Taylor was going to fire Ralph, but the April Fools Day thing was completely unexpected.

There were two sentences that were a little off, the first was "one thing about this firm is its coffee."... One thing how? One good thing, one bad thing? It's just a little awkward, perhaps try, "One great thing about this firm is its coffee."

The second sentence was ""oh what the hell am I going to do, jobs are not growing on trees, I can't just grab one"", my only complaint about this sentence is that the story was stream of consciousness, Ralph's thoughts and the such, so I don't think you need to quotation marks, when I read it I was a little confused wondering does he actually say this?

But the story was a good read, and interesting... and the boss is EVIL. Kudos ;)

[Zaila]

I don't know if I should be laughing right now. Because honestly. I started crying a bit when I say poor Ralph cry. But it's really quite funny. I was thinking about how horrible it was for the poor guy to have himself all ready for a promotion and then be smashed. Then.. to have that again lifted. It would have been REALLY messed up if the boss said. "By the way Ralph. APRIL FOOLS!... but seriously, have your desk cleaned out immediately" or something like that. I would have hated myself but it would have been really messed up. Heh.
BTW. Good job on placing in the contest. That's what got me to read this one. Heh.

[Saturnalia]

I would have been pissed. Like majorly. Being a accused of embezzlement? Not a very funny practical joke. Oh well. Glad to know it was. I was really rooting for Ralph; he seems like a good enoguh guy who deserves a promotion. But wow...that was really mean. -_-

Of course, there are the grammatical errors. This one stuck out to me: "I just nodded back and thought, "this could be the most precious day I every experienced in the world, at least so far." "Every" should be "ever" and there should be a quotation mark at the end of the sentence (not including my own). However, I like your style, especially the way you set the scene in the beginning.

This is a really good story. I felt the tension building the entire time, and my jaw pretty much dropped when they talked about the budget. I should have known there would be a twist ending.

[bluessadmood]

That was a nice story.Very good build,and the good turn of events at the end,nice work

[Wildfleour]

Ah man.......good one! You got me! ;)

[joshua rainbird]

That is absolutely brilliant. That punchline is a killer and only the question of undertones in the people's paralinguistics pointing as clues.

Just a very minor criticism - numbers in stories should be written 70 percent should be ' seventy percent '.
And I think the italics are unnecessary as this is a first person narrative.

But this is a simple gag which often make great stories if told well, and this is. Why does it work ? Because the character is the kind of bloke that a reader wants to know and so there's a lot of empathy with him. And the dialogue is punchy not allowing the protagonist to escape from the situation.

Kudos, Ralph.

[Dark Daughters]

*points and laughs* Hahahaha although that was cruel but that makes it even more funnier

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

First of all, I would like to say that I liked the context of this story. I really hate April Fools day because of reasons like this. I can't believe Ralph cried. And in front of everyone to! One thing I liked about this story was that I could tell that everyone mentioned all had a good personal relationship with each other. There was no way that someone could do this to a complete stranger haha. Great story.

"about 45 degrees as the dew laced my windshield." --- You might want to put Fahrenheit or Celcius. Many people read degrees in different ways and specifing would just help to add less confusion. Also, I really love the imagery here with "laced."

"inched it way to the horizon." --- its.

"Sipping my cappuccino; my eyes: --- You need a comma after cappuccino, not a semi colon.

"short sleepless night after a long but satisfying" --- Comma after short and long.

"Excitement has overtaken my mind, as every vital sign was elevated." --- At the beginning of the story, you start with a passive tense. This is what I am going to assume that your writing style is for this story. Therefore, you need to replace has with had.

"This would a good reason not to" --- You might want to use That instead of This, but only if it sounds better to you. Also, place be after would.

"purred as if it was brand new" --- [Author's preference] Were instead of was.

"Man it was nice to sniff" --- Comma after Man.

"freshness that you just want to bottle and" --- You changed from first person to second person. Instead of using you, use I just wanted to bottle and.

"The calming affect expelled" --- effect.

"a sudden sigh of relief, wow, almost there as I await this most prestige day." --- This is a really confusing sentence. In fact, after you say wow, I have no idea what you are talking about. Try rewording or rearranging this sentence for clarification.

"Reaching for my sunspecs I turn east towards" --- Since you are using past tense try something like "When reaching for my sunspecs, I turned East towards".

"ball in the sky blinds my descending ride." --- blinded.

"Today is the big day, the day I move rank, jump 40 percent" --- "Today was the big day. The day I would move rank and jump 40 percent".

"leading engineering firm, this side of Chicago." --- Remove the comma and replace it with "on".

"As I pull into the parking lot" --- "As I pulled into the parking lot".

" "Hello Mr. Piccolo, how are you today"." --- You need a period after Piccolo, capilized how, put a question mark after today and place the quotation marks after your grammer marks.

" "Just a bit nervous, Tom, just a bit nervous" " ---- Make sure to put a period after nervous and make sure to place it inside the quotation marks.

" "Good luck Mr. Piccolo "Tom said with a smile." --- Your second quotation mark is facing the wrong way. You need a comma after Piccolo.

"back and thought "this could" ---Comma after thought.

"world, at least as of today." --- Try rewording this to clarify a bit. Maybe something such as: "atleast so far." or "atleast to date."

"I park in my ordinary parking spot since I was not officially promoted but I couldn't wait" --- "I parked in my ordinary parking spot, because I was not officially promoted yet. I couldn't wait"

"walking a half mile to a few feet crossed my mind, although it was good" --- "walking half a mile"

"speech and wonder if it was conceded." --- wondered, conceited.

"I guess that will do." --- would not will.

"As I entered the building I saw so many smiles I couldn't" --- Comma after building. You might want to put something like "I saw so many smiling faces that I couldn't". The way you have it now, it isn't specific, so anything could be smiling.

"Jerry crack some strange type of joke with Arthur" --- cracked.

"What a group of engineers I thought to myself." --- You need to either italicize or put quotations around your thought and you need a comma after engineers.

"my assistant replied, "Mr. Piccolo, Mr. Taylor wants to see you as soon as possible" " --- You put that your assistant replied, but you said nothing to her first in order for her to reply. Also you need a period after possible.

"Ralph�I hate the sir stuff" " --- You need a period after stuff.

" "I'll try to remember that Mr. Piccolo" " --- Again, you need a period after stuff.

"As I turn to leave I displayed a puzzled" --- "As I turned to leave, I displayed a puzzled"

"not sure why the double step." --- You did not mention that the assistant had taken a double step.

"Jack Taylor's office I stop to pour myself" --- Comma after office and stop needs to be stopped.

"Actually if you look us up in the top engineering magazines they mention our Brazilian coffee as a delightful taste experience. " --- Again, you used the word "you". Try rewording this to remove that. Something like: "In the top engineering magazines, they mention our Brazilian coffee as a delightful taste experience."

"displayed a convincing undertones, (one verbal and the other facial) what the hell is going on." --- Undertones need to be undertone. Comma or a period after the second parentheses. Capital What [if you use the period instead of the comma]. Question mark after on.

"come in at once" Taylor hurried me in. "Please sit" he said with a gestured"." --- Comma after once and sit.

"didn't need this coffee as I placed it on the coaster" --- the instead of this and a comma after coffee.

"At that moment a knock came at the door, it was James the security guard who was also here for this meeting." --- Comma after moment, period after door, capital It, comma after James, and the instead of this.

"quarterly projections shows" --- show instead of shows.

"and it is this company's zero tolerance not to allow an over budget of any sort"; said Taylor." --- Try rewording this sentence a bit to clarify. "This company's zero tolerance is not to allow an over budget of any sort." Also use a comma inside of the quotation marks instead of a semi-colon.

" "But�"; I said as he interrupted" --- Again, all you need is a comma inside the quotation marks instead of a semi-colon.

"been encroached upon here";" --- Again, all you need is a comma inside the quotation marks instead of a semi-colon.

" "But Jack, that's impossible, I check everything and we had a net profit of 65 million dollars, how in the world did we end up with a huge loss"; " --- Semi colon after impossible, period after dollars, capital How, question mark after loss, and you don't need the semi-colon.

"was chattering as I could hear myself saying;" ---- And instead of as, and instead of a semi -colon use :

"or the direction it's going, here I came to" --- For this one, you can do one of two things. First, you can use a period after going adn capilize here, or you can just add and after going.

"James will accompany you as with everyone set forth by our bylaws for termination"; Taylor" --- The first part is a little confusing, try rewording it a bit, such as: "As with everyone set forth by our bylaws for temination, James will accompany you until you are off of the premises." Also, use a period at the end of the sentence inside of the quotation marks.

"I stood, as the pressure began pushing against my eyes, and the thoughts ran wild�oh what the hell am I going to do, jobs are not growing on trees, I can't just grab one; as the sorrow began to sink in." --- You might want to reword this sentence. "The pressure began pushing against my eyes as the sorrow began to sink in. I stood there as my thoughts ran wild: [italicize the thoughts or put quotations around them] What the hell am I going to do? Jobs don't grow on trees and I can't just grab one!"

"I turned toward the door and" --- towards.

"a crowd of people starring." --- staring.

"when I heard Mr. Taylor say; "By the way Ralph, APRIL FOOLS" " --- Comma after say instead of a semi-colon, and an exclamation mark or period after fools.

Sorry, I know this is a lot. One last thing is that you seem to use the word "as" repeatively in your writing. Try rewording some sentences so the need for "as" is no longer there, or get rid of it in the spots where it would still make sense without it.

=]

Good job on this one.

Even I did not see that ending coming.

All this time I thought they used him as a front for an embezzlement scam. I thoroughly enjoyed this story.

A wonderful piece.

[Jessica L Auster]

Boy, I'm so glad it was an "April Fool's" joke. I got worried. I love the description, especially in the first two beginning paragraphs. There were a few gramatical errors, but other than that, it was an excellent peice.

[justjenn_2u]

Wooh (wiping forehead), I am so glad this was an April Fool's joke. Tell me, is this a true story because if it isn't, this piece surely had that feel to it.

This is a different type piece for you and I really enjoyed. You kept my attention throughout the entire story and the closure really had me going. : )

Good write! Write on!!!!