Details Details Details

Macho Sacrifice pays off

 

(R)alphie is Muffin, 

(H)aresh Daswani is Gigo http://www.writerscafe.org/link/302620/

(J) James Reider is Macho http://www.writerscafe.org/link/302621/

 

 

Way to go Macho; seems it paid off with you going first. You look more relaxed; I realized it would be a new experience since most people make deposits without streams of red tape. I hope she accepts you as a customer because I need a little more data on the cameras, or maybe not.

The technology is old, BNC connectors with coax feed wire, and since we do not have enough time to get around this system, we will have to infiltrate the camera by saturating the pickup lens with bursts of intense infrared light. 

 Macho, could I have the camera pen from your lapel? I believe the alarm code is visible; at least most of the key presses. Ok, that is my two-cent worth. 

Hey, did you see that hum-dinger of a hottie that came out of the bank…wow; she had the curves that would mobilize an army…and rich too. Her breast bundled in that pink halter-top seemed to scream my name while her tight white shorts caused me to salute…um.

Who makes the next deposit, Gigo? I’m getting really horny waiting for this heist to take place and would rather get lost in the spur of the moment. 

 

"No, you have to make sure your monitor is plugged in as well if you want to see something... The humming noise? That is the CPU Fan, don't worry? It keeps the CPU cool... ", I hate my job so bad I want to hit someone right now.

This world seems to be flooding with stupid, too much of it. But it seems like Macho and Muffin has done a good job so far. After this, we have whatever we need, nothing else.

"Muffin, you there?", damn voice mail, "F*****g hell, pick up the phone man. Listen, I reviewed what Macho has to say and so far I am designing a map based on that. We should be able to position ourselves to where we can subdue the guards, and keep the tellers hostage. I need you to check out some pointers and get deeper into the security system, the vault, we can get there, but I need to know how to enter". D****t, hope he figures it out soon.

"You can see a blue screen? What does it say?", damn Windows.

"Macho, d****t, pick up the phone", F*****g voice mail, looks like these two jokers are celebrating, "Macho, good job, I need to know how big the guards were, and what weapons do they carry, you have that info? You remember them?". I hope he answers soon. I will need those info fast to prepare our arsenal.

"Your computer not working? Is it plugged in? It is? The printer isn't working as well? Hmmm, could you check your fuse box? Too dark? Power outage? Madam, you will have to wait for your electricity to get back on..."

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

 

The bank layout is as follows:

Upon entering you will be greeted by a receptionist. To the right are the individual "tellers", helpers to answer questions and assist in paperwork and such. The lobby is about the size of a 1 bedroom apartment. The rest of the complex is taken up by offices and a gigantic vault. I was not able to gain access to the vault, but I was able to get a good look. It seems to be temperature sensitive, humidity controlled. One person in the vault will not trigger alarms, but two or three people in there may. The office immediately next to the vault seems to be "rent-a-cop" headquarters. They carried guns, but I am 95% sure they were only pellet guns, low caliber guns with bullets that may or may not break the flesh. This bank seems to be pretty confident that no one is going to pillage it, so security is rather lax. Down the long hallway leading to the vault, there are 10 "offices". I would say that at the banks busiest time, 7 of these may be occupied. The cops that were working when I was there weren't very large, but if they are indeed rent-a-cops, we may be faced with a brand new security roster when we arrive. The cameras are located in a triangular formation in the lobby. One above the receptionist desk to capture an image of anyone who enters the complex, one above the three tellers on the right, and one above the door to capture an image of anyone who leaves. There is also one above the vault, one in a shadowed corner, (don't know what purpose that one serves...) And one pointing down the hallway of offices. I have a small feeling of discontent at being captured on these cameras; I only hope that Wednesday was a busy day for that bank.

Reviews

[Ice QueenJen]

I found this part very technical in aspects, even though he was at work he was still concerned about the details of the heist. I thought the line "You can see a blue screen? What does it say?", damn Windows., was amusing- maybe cause I am a mac gal. But overall its been a well written story.

[Angela]

This part is more details than story, but I know that you always have to include the particulars to any story. I am moving on to the next chapter and know that it will pick up.

[JC]

Hmmm, this seems to have lost its charm. Insted of reading one story with three charactors, I felt like I was reading three different stories altogether. It has a stiff disconected read.

The last paragraph did not lead me to want to turn the page ( however, I will). I would like to see this have an ending that is more enticing.

The technical aspect of this writing in great. The flow within the paragraphs is good.

[Pj]

This has slightly lost its' humour...but I guess it had to, to mainly show the progression from the planning stages of the 3 men, to the actual committing of the crime...

Yikes...down Muffin! Talk about sexing it up hahaha

Nice going HD, loved the lines: "This world seems to be flooding with stupid, too much of it."
and Macho- you seem to be the backbone of the operation lol :D

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Where is the conclusion? is it pending? It didn't end the way I expected it to. But it was nice that you did the research to really let a reader see the details of what goes into a bank robbery. Or maybe personal experience? hee hee. either way, i think it would have been cool if the men ran into a woman in the process of robbing the bank, and their shock, and in a way it's a fight between them and her. that would have been a great conclusion. considernig muffin really didn't think women robbed banks.

i don't know. just a suggesion. overall, the story was well written. like a movie or a a tv special.

cafe friend, kena