I'm a normal girl

Hi I am a normal girl.

Far from the ones who are riddled with ink on their body and jewels pierced through skin.

I am not like the ones hell bent to make everyone aware of their rebellion to patriarchal norms.

Not like the girls daring enough to be different but instead the kind who has never touched her hair with bright colors. 

I rarely go to concerts and I certainly cannot recite more than a few alcoholic drinks.

I am the kind who looks at the rebels with wide eyed wonder because I wish I could be so threatening. 

I married young, grew up in the church, and like 50% of Americans I am also divorced.  

So as you see... 

I am a normal girl. 

Raped in the upper gym of my high school dripping with blood, shaking, trembling. 

A normal girl.

I sure didn't tell a soul. Another pretty normal girl thing to do. 

See like any normal girl I climbed those stairs heart pounding, butterflies flying, pondering what he would do. Would he confess he liked me too? Would it be a scene off of that excruciatingly normal movie, High School Musical?

It was anything but normal, but normal for me. 

A normal girl. 

You see I envy these tattooed rebels who scream to society DO NOT TOUCH ME, because me, a normal, blonde haired, blue eyed girl is too inviting. Too naive, too innocent, but I can't shake my obsession with nature, baby cats, and love like the notebook.

Such a normal girl. 

How badly I wish I could do as these nonconformists do, with no religion, and friendships that seem inseparable, going to concerts, parties, and strip clubs but I am the girl overthinking getting a second hand high from someone smoking next to me. 

I am the girl who doesn't touch weed, and who started cussing two years ago. I am the girl who has not yet learned the perfect angle for a sexy pic or how the hell these instagram models get such a perfect cat eye. 

I am the girl who misses the scars on her legs and arms because they reminded others I am not so basic. 

I am the girl with the tiny tattoo on her upper thigh that screams I've tasted the muted cries of violation. 

I am the girl who remains in love with past lovers and idealizes everyone I pursue. 

I am the girl who yes, would love to live In a little house on a cottage and fall in love, raise animals, and be well... pretty normal.

I am a normal girl who wants normal things. 

Simple things really, such as, when going on a first date he doesn't pull out a pillow from the back seat to f**k me. 

Or simply to experience the joy of applying and getting the job without the boss trying to pay me for sex monthly. 

Normal things. 

Like not having to obsess over the lid of my drink or leaving my location on for my friends. 

Like laying my head down in bed and not having flashbacks of a tampon being thrusted into my body as someone takes, yet again, another piece of me. 

I want normal things like a monogamous boyfriend who loves me or how about friends who have my back and don't care about my religious beliefs. 

I want basic things where I don't fear for my life when walking alone or grocery shopping at night. 

I want to be that normal girl because deep down I swear to you, I am just a normal girl. 

Utterly basic and normal. 

Reviews

[poetgurl]

you sure don't hold back on your feelings Bai, I do only because I have been hurt too much.
Keep writing, writing helps us heal.

[Bai]

Awe thank you so much! What a lovely thing it is to be able to write and let it all out.

[Ken e Bujold]

well bai, keep posting works like this and you will most definitely be considered a writer. And while your theme is of a normal girl, your insight into self, and society, makes you anything but normal (and that is good)
Ken

[Bai]

Wow, thank you so much. I truthfully didn't even think anyone would read it, so these comments were a pleasant surprise.