Part of Me

When people throw a trash bag at your private property--

Would you..

Do the same to them? Or slap that trash bag on their faces? But this will definitely cause chaos, don't you think?

OR would you just..

Pick it and clean it up. Problem solved, just like that. 

Hah! Just like that? Are you an idiot? They will think; "I'm going to throw my garbage on that private property AGAIN since IT'S OKAY".

Most people I know, will choose the second scenario, because they are afraid to do one simple thing; COMMUNICATE. Most people think communicating is an ATTACK. Being direct is AGGRESSIVE. That when you speak up, you are being sensitive. They're that SENSITIVE ABOUT COMMUNICATION. That-- to be a nice person; you just keep things to yourself and don't point the fact that they're throwing trash at your face.

Well, you know what? I can't blame them. I used to please people. But before that, I was a thug. Both being a "people pleaser" and being a "b***h" fed my ego.

I grew in a broken family. At the age of 13, I lived with my mother. I used to be surrounded by drug addicts, including my mother. I learned things in my own way. And the hard way. I never felt secure with my mother, so I, myself, became my own guard. I am brave, and smart. I only friended people who I find nice and good for my spirit. These kids are very well thought by their guardians. I wasn't aware that I was being mean at that time. I curse; I do bad things; I am that rude kid you find on the street. 'Cause that's what I thought is normal. I was never guided. My friends called me out because of my attitude. I spent many night crying. I isolated myself. I never felt so alone like that before. I was sad, because what else do I have.

I fixed myself, and I adjusted. I was so afraid of being mean to them again to the point that I no longer can say no. I allowed everything. I became that nice friend. It feels good-- TO FIT IN. And I brought that with me until I started working. I've pleased people for several years. No one hated me at work. They all liked me, because I'm pretty, and nice. 

The thing is, I got exhausted. No, it's not exhausting to be nice. It's exhausting when you're not being you. You don't get to say what you want because everything is filtered. You don't get to express what you really feel because it will be invalidated. I became scared. I lost myself.

Little by little, I found my missing pieces. I'm became so aware. I am tuned in to myself. I learned to balance, and to justify. That's who I am. I speak my truth. I put boundaries, because I don't want to sabotage myself like I used to. I'm gonna be me and I wouldn't care if you find me difficult. Yes, not all people like me anymore, and that's okay. It is supposed to be like that. Now, whenever I look in the mirror, I see myself right through my soul. I am beautiful.

PS. My childhood friends are still my friends, they're one of the best things that happened to me. They helped me grow and they were my inspiration to be a better person that I am today.

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Loved this !

I love a story or poem with hidden messages or life guidance
I enjoyed this one


I choose to ignore stuff my neighbors do

I don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset me

There’s a few things both sides of my fence do to me and I completely ignore and sorta pity them !

Doesn’t mean I forgive or don’t get upset with what they do it’s just if I knock on their door I know they will argue snd somehow make me look bad for complaining so I can’t be bothered !

Who has lived in the street longer than me they think they own the place silly eh?

These have lived their a lifetime
I only moved here 9 years ago.

Yes that’s the way I cope I ignore it

Yes I fuss in my house tell my partner it annoys him so then I shut up

But I will not give them the satisfaction of knowing they upset me

That’s a long story sorry 😞

Enjoyed your write btw
I could relate ! Thanks

[The High Priestess]

I can only imagine. There are really things that's better to be left unsaid. For your own peace. Thank you for sharing and I appreciate your review!

[Brad Dehler]

Love your take on life, on your good friends. It warms the heart, especially considering your rough childhood including drugs/addiction. I particularly like the part about seeing your soul in the mirror.

[Franky]

This is excellent . Very well written. Most posts that I read are are a chore to read. (My opinion)

It's nice to read something well thought out, well organized, and kinda powerful.

[The High Priestess]

Thank you for reading, Frankie!