Poem..!

In need of you my soul is slowly aching,
Do you still love me is all it's asking,
I know that you are only just balking,
Your heart for me is still steadily beating,
You may feel like off my head chopping,
But in reality at my memories you are clinging,
Wherever I look, I see you tauntingly dancing,
The dawning sun off your skin like a pearl dazzling,
I realize now that time can't erase everything,
Your thoughts are in my heart continuously etching,
It may look to you that my mind is just fluxing,
But please don't even think that I'm feigning,
The rope of success I'm strongly grasping,
At the thorns in our path I'm quickly gnashing,
Don't cry because tears shed are not always healing,
I beg don't heed the world, in their nature is hissing,
Uncountable overs are still left in our innings,
Towards our destiny we are ceaselessly inching,
There is absolutely no point in us jousting,
We should stick together against all this joggling,
In front of this world we will never do kneeling,
One day the Queen will be both of us knighting,
Our love story the world is hungrily lusting,
The devil around us is skulkily lurking,
He's not aware at him I'll have the angels marching,
YOU and ME have long since into US started merging,
Do make haste since our lives the time is notching,
On my love the enemy is eager to start nibbling,
I often dream at your face I am constantly ogling,
Without a fear in this world we go on an outing,
Playfully, at your cheeks I'm softly pecking,
Even now this scene in my mind is playing,
Be assured that I am not merely quibbling,
I do not have any plans of in the future quitting,
Our seeds of love are waiting for the season of reaping,
Like a moth-after-light, for you I'm madly raving,
For you are the purpose of life I had been seeking,
The red carpet is spread to save your feet from smearing,
The two of us the Great God was only trying,
Let's celebrate for we have passed the testing,
The chains of bondage are right now unshackling,
It is now time to our parents start a little urging,
Trust me, for noone else will you find me vying,
You are the one and only for who I am vouching,
Our garden of love I will be personally weeding,
Together will we be till we are wrinkling,
It is now time, my love, to end our yearning,
To have our flesh and blood in front us zinging.

Reviews

[Tony Z Sienzant]

I admire the 'concept' behind this but it feels like it gets 'old' pretty quickly... "ing" words are killers & this poem really reinforces that. I remember my mentor/writing teacher in college telling me to change all the "ing" words to present or past tense & it would read better. I'm thinking that is some of the reasoning behind a poem structured this way? To go against the grain, be 'original?' It may work better if some of the lines were more concise, sharper, shorter. Anyway, nice try, kind of cute, but in the final analysis... uhm, no.