Faded Dreams

Thoughts.

 

Black clouds

Appear overhead

Changing into vast,

Shapeless forms.

Colliding,

Into endless wicked storms.

Dreams fade

Into the misty clouds

With celestial beings

Clawing inside my head.

Nightmares come alive,

No serenity instead.

The hands of time

Move slowly,

And the days begin to pass

I hide in the stillness of the night,

While flying on poetic serpants

Muses in full flight.

I crave for passion and love

In the bittersweet nature of humanity.

All I see,

Is hurt and pain

In a river of agony

Flowing in bloody red rain.

I cry silently under the moonlight,

As dreams drift away

Vanishing into eternity

Fading away without a trace

As I wander inside my mind

What was here in this dark space.

Reviews

[Collette]

This is a nice write. I really think you have the ideas and emotions to have a solid piece, with a little tweaking.
My favorite lines have to be:
I crave for passion and love
In the bittersweet nature of humanity
All I see,
Is hurt and pain
In a river of agony

The flow fits perfectly, and the imagery is solid. Human nature can be quite the brute, eh?

My overall view of the poem stands thus:
like I mentioned before, the ideas and emotions are there.
Some of the lines in this poem are extremely clever, however they seem to get lost in the rest of the piece. There are points in the poem where the rhyme scheme gets overly forced, such as:

With celestial beings
Clawing inside my head
Nightmares come alive
No serenity instead
The hands of time
Move slowly

For some reason, it just disrupts the entire flow of the piece. (At least for me...)
Thank you for sharing you work, and I hope my opinion helped a bit...
either way, the talent is there.
practice will undoubtedly bring it full circle, and you could definitely be one of the stronger poets I've encountered.

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

It even reads like a dream and is very refreshing.
It does have good flow even though there is not a period in sight. Lol
Thanks for sharing.
Love All, Mejasha

[Phil Sanders]

Magnificent writing .. such excellent imagery ...

[George Love]

Very good work, great flow, metre and Rhyme. Well done!

[DeAn]

awesome! I loved the way this flowed. I had just the right amount of ryme to keep it poetical and just the right amount of synergy to qualify it as a storyline poem as well.


great job.

l8r g8r
-Tao

[bluessadmood]

yes so many lost dreams ,life sounds all like waste ,its a pity ,again very beautiful write ,words come so nice

[Dani California]

Wow. This is wonderful! So creatively expressed. Great flow....

[Y.F.]

So it's a weather theme today eh? :)
I like the flow on this one.
And like every song with a flow like this, I enjoy the overall shape.