Rendezvous

Wrote this a while back. Just thought I'd dust it off.

   

She's sipping her coffee slowly,

perfectly painted nails tapping on the
chipped Formica. She looks out of place,

not normally a greasy spoon cafe for her,

the menu, chips with everything,
disdainfully dismissed.

I like her hair, silk, rather than cotton,

it goes with her demeanor,

cool, like clear water flowing over stone,

unrippled, save for one little furrow line

on her otherwise perfectly smooth brow.

I'd like to ask her, 

why the diversion from Langan's Brasserie?

But that would be rude of me,

I am, after all, simply there to serve the whim;

and only on Saturdays, bridging the gap

between student loan and poverty.

At first, there is just a reflection in the window,

then I see him, far more in place than her.

Hands that work for a living, steel toecaps,

physically superior; like a lion among lambs

as he nods in her direction, then beckons. 

She takes a last, hasty sip, 

carefully smooths out the silk,

catching my eye as she stands, 

the tip, guiltily generous;

her patterns gone, leaving only

a faint hint of Clive Christian in the air, 

and it's business as usual again.   

I don't know whether to envy or pity her.  

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

This is a really well written piece. It's one of those situations that occur regularly, but which are only perceived and understood by the observant. We are entranced by the appearance of this lovely woman until the speaker abruptly pulls the rug from under us with the line, " and it's business as usual again." The speaker's ambivalence in the last line is also revealing. Well done.

[lakinbob]

She knows it's wrong, but it's her escape from a life, where the only thing that counts is what the outside looks like, rather than what's inside.

'Perfectly painted nails tapping on the chipped formica.' With just those few words you make us see it all.

Brilliantly conceived, brilliantly written and the ending is superb.

LB

[Gee]

I will keep stopping by to read you in the vain hope that I will learn and improve.
Hope you and Charlie enjoyed your jaunt abroad and all is well with you both.

[Beccy]

Yes, we had a good time, thanks. First two weeks back at school under his belt and beginning to get back in the groove.

Vain hope? Come off it! Semi serious head, or 'The House of Cod,' you always come up trumps.

Beccy.

[Gee]

Ach, away wi' ya......
Thank you.

[angel]

A vivid slice of life, and this happens every day without being noticed. You have made the reader not only aware, but a part of this ordinary, beautiful scene. Brava, dear heart!

[emmajoy]

Oh my goodness, yet again you show your skills as a wonderful writer, Beccy. You inevitably lead the reader into such a clear scene, every sense used, every nuance shown. You brought the three main characters to life, placed them in places with such keen insight but with barely a hint of judgement. Life is what it is - far too real.

[Crowley]

Bridging the gap between student loans and poverty is a great line. the envy and the keen observation is what sets this off. I love sitting on public places and doing a character analysis of people like you have here. And if I get the chance I like to talk to them later and see how close I was to getting it right. soooo many times I am way off base. this had a hint of desperation because of the difference station between the two, making him look stronger and more at right and her looking married and succumbing to the handsome slave syndrome. I really dug this, it was wonderful.

[Lydia Shutter]

What a wonderful character study this is. I could see her clearly. She was out of place there, but obviously there for a rendezvous. You noticed every nuance, every wrinkle. I enjoyed this one, Beccy. Lydi**

[Chris Shaw]

Working in this environment can sharpen your observational skills. I like the story in these lines. We can all find ourselves out of place at times and in the company of some not considered to be our match. Loneliness can do that to you. Really well written Beccy.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sometimes we feel so out of place, but then, at others we are right where we should be.
i like the scenario...the waitress putting herself through school...understanding her own struggle, but instead of just envying the one who has...she also pities her because she knows this person may just be putting on a front...and is actually in no better position.
such an excellent piece and ended perfectly with that rhetorical question.