The Doobingtons

Meet the Doobingtons! The white trash “Aussie” family that will steal your wallet, while they steal your heart. *Intended to be illustrated.

One whiff of Olli-May Doobingtons’ Moonshine and you’d be knocked off your feet... that’s what they said anyway. Wasn’t any wonder all the mission kids got caught trying to jump her back fence.

Chester Doobington thought they were coming for his “Pot” plants and moved them into the attic... until thick leaves grew out of the windows and a ripe nug fell on the head of his eldest son ‘Sam’.

Sam Doobington had been so fried that day, he’d thought a Leprechaun had thrown it’s s**t at him...

His little brother Atticus Doobington didn’t help matters, the pair had been playing the game “Rumpels Revenge” for 42 days straight and Atticus got such a kick out of the humour in his brothers psychosis, that he’d stocked up on the games merchandise and fed his brothers storyline with mind games.

The game almost ended when Atticus ordered in the latest “Rumpels Revenge: Holographic Torchlight” and had Sam seeing his little feaces-flinging nemesis running around all over the place.

It drove the crack-head so mad, that he grabbed a Katana from the display out the front of “Ling-Lings” and chased the cheeky hologram down the Main Street. It all ended in tears when Eugenes left toe became a Katana casualty and he had to be rushed to the ER.

Sadi Doobington, the eldest daughter (older than Atticus but younger than Sam) had thought this all a hideous display of humanity and tried to hold an intervention. No-one turned up except for Olli-May, who’d assumed there would be free alcohol and upon realising otherwise, had tried to leave early because she’d “left the fridge running”.

Somewhere over the next hour Sadi had a nervous breakdown and admitted herself into the local mental ward. She wrote a risqué autobiography (The Curious Sight of Sadi) while she was in there and came out a millionaire. .. She didn’t tell no-one, except for Olli-May, who she assumed would like some free alcohol before realising her daughter was leaving town.

The youngest Doobington, Marley, had planned on attending the intervention, but had consumed a massive bag of “Magic Mushrooms” with her boyfriend Bentley the night before and woken up somewhere on ‘Mount Molly’. It took the couple over a month to make their way down and in the meantime they’d got to be the faces on the ‘Mt Mollys Milk’ cartons. When they did make it home, they claimed to have met a “spiritual being” who had warned them of the impending “end of days” and wed them under a full moon.

After a few months of being labelled”crazy”; they ran away to that Mountain, built a lair and started an online business selling alternative medicines. “MT MOLLYS MEDICINES” They sell some pretty mighty Kush (not that I would know) and with your first order you get a free “End of Days Strategy Kit”.

Turns out, Marley had been the first Doobington to notice the additional funds in her savings account; $100,000 with the description “Proud of you sis- keep it real”.

Sam had been the second; $100,000 with the description “Here’s your treasure bro- now get off the drugs”. He spent a good few months after that believing the Leprechaun had paid him out... until he found that devious holographic torch-light in his brothers sock draw.

In an emotional fit of rage, Sam cut off Atticus’s right toe and then realising what he’d done vowed to get off the drugs. He went straight, bought himself a state of the art seaplane and now delivers “Mt Molly Alternative Medicines” around the world.

“Games are only fun until you lose bro, don’t lose out on this game of life”- was the description left with Atticus Doobingtons’ $100,000. Disregarding his sisters sound advice, he spent the first $10,000 on new toes- then wasted them by sitting on his a*s playing $40,000 worth of console games and eating a solid $30,000 worth of delivery takeout.

By the time he’d finished his “nerd-spree” he was 80 kilos heavier and dying of diabetes. He ended up spending the last $20,000 on a mail-order bride so that if all else failed- he would at-least not die a virgin. Unfortunately all else did fail and that crazy Russian bride stabbed him 42 times in the chest, on the first night of their honeymoon. Only she knows why, but to be honest, nobodies been game enough to ask her.

Olli-may was a bit slow to the mark, not finding her $100,000 with the description “Free Alcohol Fund” until after Eugenes death. She spent the first $20,000 on funeral fees and the rest on well... alcohol.

Chester it turns out, had really been the one to spot his $100,000 first and invested a majority of it into CBD OIL. By the time everyone else caught up and his new crops were done, he had enough money to buy an Island, so he did.

The “Isle of Mary” it’s called... I hear it’s green all year round.