Invisible

First thing I've written for like 3 months. It's not very good, but I'm trying to get past my writer's block, so here's one of the first steps...

When I see you, my heart skips a beat.

Can you hear it?

Of course you can’t.

You can’t even see me.

You looked right past me when I’m talking to you.

Sometimes you just ignore me if I call out to you.

You pretend not to see me when I pass you in the halls of school.

We used to be best friends,

But you threw it all away over the holidays.

What happened that week?

You spent  10 days in Vegas,

And I spent those same days here at home,

Wishing the holidays were over already.

I couldn’t wait to see you again.

But when I finally got back to you,

You’d changed.

Now, you talk to anyone,

Except me.

Am I really invisible?

Author's Note

It's completely true. The guy I like spent Thanksgiving in Vegas, and came back, and started ignoring me. We used to be best friends, but I don't know what happened. I just really want him back. Please review!! I know it's not good, but I'm trying to get over my writer's block so yeah...

Reviews

[Aria]

you have a long career ahead of you. you only need to take a few extra minutes and put into deeper detail how you feel. Not to say that this is bad, because it's not. But it needs a little fine tuning. try experimenting with rhyme or synonyms for usual words. The best suggestion I could give is to expand on the emotions and imagery of every line. What I usually do is picture a moment or a scene in my head and then describe every frame of it the best i can.

try and picture yourself walking down the halls being ignored by that foolish boy and feel the cold air and the sound of the kids walking around you and the lights reflecting off the locker doors. all those things tie in the image of the environment you're in. helps give the reader more perspective and the writer more tools to create. just a suggestion. at the end, it's your words and your piece. do not change it for anyone but yourself.

[Short.Nerd]

I'm sorry that happened to you. ):

But you did an amazing job capturing your emotions in words. Great job!

[Adam :P]

i like this i have a poem that can relate to this about people being invisble. wonderful poem!

[r]

awww!! OMG I am SO sorry!!! That's retarded!! I know people who this has happened to and it's just so stupid! It makes me want to slap the other person whose ignoring them! BLEH. Maybe he's just......PMSing.... I swear guys have periods. SERIOUSLY. .. xD

And, even though you have writer's block, this is pretty good. Hope you get rid of the dang thing! I HATE writer's block! it is about my most hated thing in the world. (:

[Caitlynxoxo]

Aw :( this is so sad, when people you know become people you knew; when seeing them hurts so much. This was a very powerful poem, and I really feel for you, having to go through this. Thanks for sharing

xoxo Caitlyn xoxo