midnight breeze

as a lost child

you sink into the cold grasp of the night

reaching out its the dark that gives out its hand,

grasping you in its

platform of endless wonder

know youre not safe from your fantasies

in assault of visions crashing,

a sense of loss

a sense of gain

eliminating the light.

illuminating the mind.

Reviews

[Elizabeth]

This is my favorite piece of yours. Once again, I like your style. I disagree with ReversingEvolution on the critique of your grammar. Sometimes free-verse poetry doesn't require proper grammar. That's the point of it being free-verse. But I'm sure some flow issues could be touched up with a little added punctuation. But otherwise, great write. :) The first lines are capturing and profound.

[Libby McKeown]

I love the contrast of a sense of loss/gain, and the last two lines are quietly brilliant in their own right. Maybe the first line should read "a lost child" and drop "as" as the lead. A mere suggestion. Anyway, keep up the great work!

[ReversingEvolution4TheB..]

Let me start off by thanking you for posting this. This is a very neat piece of work, and It definitely pulled me in for more.

The GOOD: Your poem was very straightforward and to the point. I found it to be very easy to follow, yet very stimulating to the mind. It's purpose seems to be to confuse, and it does JUST that, but it's a confusion that can be followed and understood, which is a weird yet beautiful type of confusion. Like I said, it stimulated my mind.

The BAD: I think the only bad thing about this is some grammatical mistakes in some of the lines. There are only a few. By a poetic standard, it's superb. By a grammatical standard, it could use a little work. But we all have areas we need to improve upon.

I rate this piece a 99/100. I would love to read some more of your work. I like the way it pulls me in.

Write On!