A Soul Torn Apart – The Assa

The story of a man and the lessons he learns.

I remember the days on the savanna.  My world never ventured more than a day's journey from the village I called home all my life.  My brief childhood spent learning the skills I would need as a man such as hunting, tracking, working with others in silence and cattle herding.  I knew when I was a child who would be my bride in the years to come.  My grandfather was our tribe's laibon (priest-elder) and because of that I was destined to be one of our tribe's ceremonial dancers.

It was a position in our community that was much respected.  The dances were used with the priest's invocations in seasonal and annual ceremonies to show Enkai and Olapa respect.  If we had ever displeased them and we were visited with long droughts or illness within the animal community than our dances and my grandfather's invocations, lamentations and pleas needed to be absolutely perfect, delivered from the deepest parts of our soul.

Those times when my grandfather and we dancer-cousins needed to perform the additional ceremonies ended in joy for our people.  We had heart, we believed, and we did all we could for Enkai and Olapa by showing respect to both and neither one above the other.  Mercifully, they heard our prayers, saw our tributes, and knew our sacrifices.  Our village was rewarded with a return to the natural order of things.  Our cattle's health was returned to us, the gemsbok herd returned when we thought it may have been killed off by the larger predators, and the rains finally ended the over-long drought.  People respected us even more in these times.

Yet, I felt ashamed.

How could the people of my village respect me, how could my grandfather respect me, when I could not respect myself?

My wife did not respect me.  She had no reason to.  I was not a good husband.  In my community women had their place and men had theirs, but I could not help myself from demanding more.

When we were married, after I had endured the Emorata and she had completed her rite of passage, she respected me.  She completed the duties of a wife; growing the few vegetables we have, cooking, beading jewelry, and she joined me in the marriage bed.  When the children were born she raised them as well.  She still does all of these things as a good wife should.  So, why do I raise my hand to strike her at the smallest provocation?

If I do not respect her why should she respect me?

My grandfather said that I always had a temper.  He once repeated a story to me of when I was a boy, learning to build the Enkang of acacia.  He said I would lash out, scream and stomp my feet if I pricked myself.  It would take time before I returned to the work because I was mad at the acacia for doing to me exactly what we hoped it would do to anything intruding upon our village.  Later as I grew and it was my job to herd the cattle I would beat the animals if they did not listen.  They were stupid animals, of course they did not listen, but I still beat them.  The only good of this was that I had heart and courage and rage to fight when I was trained as an Il-murran.

When my grandfather died my uncle became the new laibon.  It was time to for me to step up to the role of a sub-elder.   My boys would now be part of the new generation of Il-murran.

Just as I had done in my marriage with their mother, I pushed my boys.  I shouted, demanded better of them and threatened them.  I wasn't raised like that.  So, why did I act this way?

It comes to no surprise to me, as I look back on my life, that it ended the way it did.

When the lion attacked our cattle that night the only course of action respectable to Enkai was retribution.  Revenge.  What was called for was the life of that lion for the life of the cattle which Enkai had entrusted to us.

I gathered my boys and we went hunting.  We followed the trail of blood and we spotted the lion.  It was alone, without a pride.  Using the silent language we each knew our part.  I would go to the far left and spear the lion first.  That first shot had to wound the animal's heart.  It would turn to confront me and my three boys would be fanned out on the lion's left and would spear it from behind so it could not run.  We would all use our second spears to kill the beast.  That was the plan.

My first spear throw did not land where I expected because the beast turned at the last minute.  Rather than striking the first mortal wound, I struck the lion between the neck and shoulder.  It roared in pain and jumped up, running at me.  My boys did their part, but the animal was stronger than expected because of my error.  It pounced upon me and I speared it in the chest as I should have first, but it was too late.  The animal tore at me with claws and teeth.

I called their names before the lion gnashed at my face.  I had a sense of waiting.  It seemed like forever before the boys ran up and speared the lion, killing it.  By that time I was already gone.

Perhaps they were not prepared for this hunt.  Perhaps they were surprised I missed the opening spear and did not expect the animal to be so quick and strong.  Perhaps they let the animal kill me because if I were maimed I would be of no use to the tribe anyway.

Perhaps.

But I believe the truth lies in the deeds of my life.  I was mean for no reason and I did not deserve respect or saving.  I believe my boys saved themselves, and their mother, that night on the savanna.

I am gone now and I stand in the brilliance of Enkai.  He has shown me this vision of my life and has commanded that I must try again.  I must try to be a better man.  The biggest challenge will be that I will not really remember how badly I acted this time, or that there was a "this time."  Why did my grandfather never tell me that Enkai makes us repeat our lives?

Author's Note

The first in a series. Constructive criticism is always appreciated; both positive and negative. However, no flames please. All other thoughts and views are welcome.

Reviews

[Juan]

WOW That was an amazing story,I really dont know what to say other than your story was short and yet it made me feel like I read a wonderful novel.

The reincarnation aspect was a nice twist but I didnt understand the anger issue so it kind of left me with a small unsettled feeling that I was missing something.

So once again kudos for such a great story.

[Ross Saunders]

That was rather amazing. The general narrative worked well and it had a great progression.