The Best Of Me

my upper back aches from slouching 

face buried into my hands

I've not seen you in a year

I've strayed from the path that leads to you

I am not lost, not at all

I am just cynical

and clogged in a misty faith

I know you want this too

you want me to walk a dream that I do not own- that I do not know.

writing poems. depth-less poems that paints nothing spectacular. 

outlining other people's burdens in a canvas 

for me to avoid my own battle

I know you know this too

that i do not make poetry to impress an audience

I do not jot down metaphors to encapsulate your

importance in my life

the thing is, the words do not come easily anymore

they stay hidden under a bed of rocks and 

drains me out when they're found 

shaking in my handwriting

you do not come easily anymore

like the way you visit me in the morning

strolling by the dock

your collar glazed with snowflakes

our interlaced hands on my pocket

to keep a part of us warm and safe

I cannot find solace in the hope you had gifted me 

I am slipping away from the very idea of your idea of me

I am no poet 

and I am hurting 

but I do not know which part of me is hurting.

you have always been a kind person

albeit stained with anxiety and sadness

you have always been admired and loved for your artistic sensitivity which

inspired my younger self.

but tonight 

is different. challenging. but freeing.

because at this rate, i am hating you. 

yes, it's verb in present tense. I am despising you. 

I am abhorring your being. i want this hatred to be naked in the light as blinding as possible. for you to see the turmoil clearly. i need this to reach you and give you an awareness of the state that I am in.

isn't it unfair, that i am blaming you? innocent, poor you who only want what's best for me. 

rip open the cut and bruises

that resfuse time to mend.

that was your lame foolish reason

you only did what's best for me.

but you're wrong

so foolishly mistaken.

YOU were the best of me

you bring out kindness out of my eyes, lips and ears

I was simply beautiful,

poignant and eternal 

because you were.

but in the years you are nowhere, 

leaving me with your shameful excuses 

so please help me get rid of you tonight, this is the least you could do

I want to

live in the most literal sense 

where i don't float in a physical plane 

I want to grow a skin and be able to touch things and hold 'em permanently. 

To relish every second of each moment

and embrace my finiteness

I want to appreciate and embrace reality and find beauty in it

and also, I want to find love again, 

free of your consuming shadows

I want a real pair of lips against mine, and my hand at rest 

on someone's chest.

Reviews

[Rye]

such a strong emotional read, so nicely written

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Made me sigh a heavy sigh- understanding your every word- sometimes it hurts so deep and we cannot understand but sometimes rejection is a blessing in disguise and any excuse is a sigh go move on .. sometimes it’s fear but the ones that are meant to stay will and yes to be able to grow skin to make it feel more real- I agree totally- well written 🌹