Kill and Be Killed

In the middle of the night, a man faced an unexpected visitor.

It was still, dark, silent. In all appearances, he was alone in his apartment, but he knew better. Slowly he slid from the bed he laid in when he heard the sound of a window being broken moments ago. Carefully, he crossed the room to the open door. He peered beyond it into the living room, but it was too dark to see. The intruder was not audible, only the sound of the AC blowing in his room could be heard. His heart pumped with adrenaline and fear, sweat beaded across his forehead and upper lip. Slowly, he slid past the door into the encompassing darkness. The floor beneath him quietly protested causing him to freeze and wait. Once he was sure it was okay he continued forward, keeping low to the ground, making his way to his recliner where he stashed a gun beneath. Reaching under the chair for his weapon, he froze when he heard the sound of the floorboards letting out a louder protest behind him. He held still, held his breath. A breeze swiped him as a figure passed him. He waited, carefully running his fingers along the bottom of the seat, he could feel the barrel when he was yanked up by the collar of his shirt. Swiftly he was pierced through with a knife. The intruder dropped his body and turned on the lights. Pictures of brutal murder and kidnap victims littered the wall along with baggies of small body parts from their corpses.  

Author's Note

I wrote this for a contest.

Reviews

[Trajan]

Okay. That was a good twist, and I wasn't expecting it. But it didn't hit me as well as it could have, I think. Now, at the very end, if you have a long-panning shot of all the obscene photos, murder victims, and small bags of body parts, just deeper detail, I might be more like "Holy crap!" Kind of just passes by too fast. Also, there are moments that would really benefit from description of feeling rather than just telling the reader. For example, that part where he goes for the recliner. If you just describe him going for the recliner and--when he gets there--describe the gun in this hands, suddenly the reader feels tension. But I got a definite kick out of reading this, and I hope my feedback helps!