Young Mother

A Poem by B. A. May

Musings on motherhood

Life began like any other
Except i had a young mother
She promised to love and take care of me
But herself was all that she could see

I’m sure she had good intentions
But it was hard to get her affections
I wasn’t her only, she soon had others
But rather than her i became their mother

Four boys, younger than i
For them, all i could do was try
It was wrong, what she did
But i didn’t understand i was a kid

It was hard to pin her down
Drinking, smoking, always in town
When confronted, nasty things were said
She told me she wished i was dead

I’m worthless, weak, have no worth
She told me those things since my birth
Fear, anxiety, and depression
Why exist, was always a question

But, for the boys i had to stay
It was hard, but no other way
Then i grew and made a true friend
Who told me the treatment had to end

He stole me away, gave me hope
With his help, I’m learning to cope
With me gone, ill always worry
But my death, I’m in no hurry

It’s hard to shake my past trauma
When all I wanted was to me loved by mama
Even now, after twenty years
She is still a huge part of my fears

My biggest regret is leaving
But that woman was thriving
She may have been a young mother
But caring for us came from another

Now i have my own baby girl
She to me, is my pearl
I cant imagine treating her that way
And that’s why i couldn’t stay

I’m sorry Michael, christian, Anthony, and Josh
I swear i love you, but gosh
I couldn’t stay with our mom
But missing you is my biggest qualm