Self Hate

After wondering so long ,
How will i ever find the words to describe my feelings about myself?

But suddenly today i found my answer.

I hate my appearance because I have been called beautiful and hot and sexy and pretty and stunning by people who only seek to use me.

The ones i cared so much about change there minds once they get what they want and call me ugly , a s**t , a w***e.

All because i would not let them use my complete body.

I hate myself for getting into situations by being blinded by lust and emotion until it is too late to see.

I hate myself for not speaking up when he used my kind favor as a chance to put his hands im my pants and try to make me his.

My body hated this feeling.
It hurt. But i couldn't bring up the courage to stop him because my fear was that he wouldn't stop even if i did.

I hate that one of the only ways i can bring myself comfort i buying things i say i need.

I hate that in the past i was so gullible i didnt realize i wasted my sophmore year on someone who wanted to lock me up and keep me for himself.

I hate that i treat my brother like s**t because i dont know how to handle situations where i get angry.

I hate that i always assume the worst in everything and everyone.

I hate that i dont know how to express my emotions to anyone.

I hate that my family judges my style simply because i dont dress in a t shirt , boot cut jeans and tennis shoes daily.

I hate that i can never find a way to let my gaurd down.

I hate that i have to fear leaving my room at night simply because my brain is so paranoid of absolutely nothing.

It gets so bad i can't get out of bed.

I hate that i go weeks only eating once a day.

I hate myself. Thats the simple answer.

Reviews

[KCthelastboyscout]

I hope someday someone can see though to the real you and realize you're even more beautiful on the inside.Have faith.The dark clouds will part, the light will help you see out of darkness and your prince will come