Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5
A Birthday Igloo

A Birthday Igloo

A Story by William Richards
"

Flash fiction. A birthday surprise.

"

Buddy Prestwich blew out all the candles on the cake, closed his eyes and wished he could be climbing a mountain. He didn’t like the mither of parties: people putting themselves out on his behalf. His girlfriend knew this, which made it all the more surprising when, coming home after a day at a Manchester printing press, he flicked on the light to a rapturous reception.

    ‘Happy Birthday!’ they cheered, as party poppers sprayed confetti through the air. His living room was full of balloons and disco lighting.

    He was pleased to see that the people present were limited: just a few friends from his climbing team, his sister, and his girlfriend. The people he cared about the most.

    ‘This is mint,’ he said shaking everyone’s hand. Tim, a firm handshaker, had saved his life on Everest when he had almost fallen down a cliff face. Gary, who had a softer grip, joined him on most of his expeditions to the Peak District.

    At the back of the room was Carrie Trafford, his girlfriend of ten years. She flicked her hair as she grinned. He knew it was her doing. He loved her more for it.

    ‘Hello fella,’ she said giving him a beer and a quick kiss.

    ‘Ta love.’

    Best not cry. No one had ever thrown a surprise party for him before. But Carrie was an amazing person. Their relationship had been rocky at times. They once were engaged even, but Buddy hadn't written for three months during an expedition that left Carrie exasperated. They later rekindled their love, but the memory was still sore, and marriage had become a taboo.

    ‘Don't think you're too special,’ said his sister, after he blew out the candles. They relit of course, he expected it. So he blew them out a second and a third time, to everyone’s delight.

    The candles stood unnaturally on the cake that Carrie baked. A snowy mountain. On the lower levels, there was a ski slope complete with small skiers and a ski lift. Higher up, there was base camp. On the reverse side, an avalanche swept down a cliff face, engulfing small trees. Bizarrely, at the summit, there was an igloo.

    ‘I’m dead surprised by all this. Thank you all.’

    Carrie nodded and said, ‘Have a look inside the igloo, love.’

    Numerous small chocolate bricks coated with white icing sugar were welded together forming a detachable roof. Inside, he found an engagement ring.

    ‘Ask me again, Buddy, ask me again to be your wife.’

    Buddy wiped away the tears and got down on one knee. ‘Will you be my fiancée?’ He slid the twisted halo diamond engagement ring gently onto her finger, and they kissed and hugged for a long time.

Months later, on a two-month expedition to Everest, Buddy wrote every day before sunrise. Looking skyward at the romantic stars and comet streamers, love words came quickly. He asked descending Sherpas to post his letters and saved the rest for when he got home.

© 2016 William Richards


Author's Note

William Richards
All comments welcome.

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

How heartfelt and beautiful. I usually go into stories looking to comment on word choice, flow of dialogue, and depth of character.

I completely forgot to do any of that within a few lines if reading.

This is so skillfully done I lost a few tears at the end. I can't imagine how that girl is going to top this party, though. My only happy complaint is that there isn't more. I'd be very interested in reading a book that detailed their relationship up and downs as he went on his expeditions. Well done, sir!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Richards

4 Years Ago

Thank you Briana. I very much appreciate your positivity



Reviews

How heartfelt and beautiful. I usually go into stories looking to comment on word choice, flow of dialogue, and depth of character.

I completely forgot to do any of that within a few lines if reading.

This is so skillfully done I lost a few tears at the end. I can't imagine how that girl is going to top this party, though. My only happy complaint is that there isn't more. I'd be very interested in reading a book that detailed their relationship up and downs as he went on his expeditions. Well done, sir!

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Richards

4 Years Ago

Thank you Briana. I very much appreciate your positivity
A fun story with a most romantic ending. When I was aboard ship on the other side of the world and wife didn't write, it was seriously alarming. So yeah, I don't blame Carrie for behaving as she did. It sounds like Buddy learned his lesson.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Richards

4 Years Ago

Thank you Samuel. I'm glad that that plot device rang true. Appreciate your comments as always.
William,
Great job with this one! Despite my initial hesitations (which I'll get to in a moment) this story was very comforting, very feel-good. I walked away from this story feeling content. Excellent work. My only criticism is something I may have touched on before: showing versus telling. For example: "...his sister, and his girlfriend. The people he cared about most." There's probably a better way to express such things. However, I'm not going to harp on it, namely because you noted at the top - "Flash Fiction" - which has restrictions traditional writing doesn't. Great job!

Zach

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

William Richards

4 Years Ago

Thank you Zach, really appreciate your review. Thank you.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

179 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 17, 2015
Last Updated on June 18, 2016

Author

William Richards
William Richards

Hamilton, Waikato, New Zealand



About
I am a guy who enjoys writing. I dunno why. It's just a thrill when you create something believable which conveys emotion and to know you made it all up. I have a wonderful wife and blessed with a .. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..