Took a pencil drew a picture

I took a pencil, drew a picture, and based it on your life.
Took my finger smudged the lead, let it represent the strife.
Some shadow, add some darkness, some curves to show the love.
Formed the perfect image in my head, traced that stencil from above.
Sharp angles show the pain, but remind you you’re alive.
Blank paper shows the emptiness, awaiting emotion to arrive.
To see life clearly add bright colours, a lighter shade of us.
Insert lines of weaving patterns, to show our unbroken trust.
Add images to show we’re holding strong, like little rays of sun,
Draw footprints in the sand, to show our journeys just begun.
Some times days feel like rain storms, sometimes to hard to bare.
I took a pencil drew a picture to show you that I care.
Now filling up the canvas, but still I’m not fulfilled.
Feel the longing for the love, that for which I would have killed.
Took a pencil, drew a picture, but it never turned out right.
But its hard to draw a picture, when the day is not so bright.

Reviews

[Jon]

Nice poem - I liked its originality - a strong concept with good rhyme and flow as you moved through each element of the picture you were describing, and everything that each one represents.

Good stuff ;)

[[untitled]]

I really like this, it draws very fine parallels between love and loss. Close to the bone, raw and extremely
emotional. Your rhyme seems to get in the way of your flow, you may want to look into that further. Your poetry tells a story and I feel that prose would free you up to express your feelings even better.
Cheers,
Helen :-)