1. Criminal Assignment

And down the waterfall, wherever it may take me...

“Michaela!”

I take one slow, dreaded step forwards. I peer around the person in front of me’s shoulder. Michaela takes her piece of parchment and reads the shimmering gold writing ever so slowly, leaving me anxious to see what she got. I see a large grin push her pink cheeks outwards. Her lips move quite swiftly while she’s looking at the assigner. The assigner grins back at Michaela and moves her lips to say good bye. Then Michaela turns around quickly and flies away. She must have gotten a good, kind one.

“Gabriel!”

He takes a worried step forwards to collect his parchment. He slowly and carefully examines it then beams at the young girl handing them out. She returns the smile and I see her talking to him very slowly, seemingly seriously. He nods in agreement to what she said, then turns round and flies away in a completely different direction to Michaela.

“Isaiah!”

I wait for the person in front of me to go, but then I realise that the assigner had called me. I take three mechanical steps forwards and look deep into her eyes. She looks rather concerned.

“Hello Isaiah, it seems as though you were only here yesterday. You must have gotten a sickly one,” she says sweetly but sorrily.

“Ah, Hanna, she lived to seventeen,” I say sadly, remembering Hanna’s bright green eyes, full of tears on the day…

“Oh, well I’m sorry to say I don’t think you’ll be that lucky this time. See, you have a twenty-two year old called Matthew. He did have a Guardian, but he had to be reassigned due to the fact that he became mentally unstable. Maybe you’ll have better luck with him,” she comments.

“I hope so, Lillian,” I answer softly, my heart beating with a sad rhythm. “Who previously had him?”

“Ryan, my brother, I feel so sorry for him. He’s always getting the troublesome ones. Zacharias must have thought he was capable enough to care for them. Anyway, he’s got a little boy now. He’s going to grow up to be a priest,” Lillian gloats.

“Yes, he was always telling me about his horrible assignments, and if I got the choice to never become a guardian.”

“I don’t agree with that, because you get to help raise wonderful, loving children. Who wouldn’t want to do that?”

“I’m not sure,” I reply slowly.

“Anyway, you’re a guardian and that’s that. There’s not much you can do now but wait until you’re eligible to retire. So here’s your assignment.” She passes me my parchment and I read it carefully…

 

 

Dearest Isaiah,

You have been assigned to care for Matthew Martin, twenty-two years of age, Sydney, Australia. Your room will be number 4815. However, you must follow some strict guidelines:

1.    You must not be underage (50+)

2.    You must not intentionally kill your assigned human

3.    You may not change assignments unless utterly essential, and accepted by Court Of Care (COC)

4.    You may not interact with humans under any circumstances

Good Luck, Signed Zacharias

“Thank you, Lillian,” I say rather dimly.

“You’re welcome.”

“Oh yeah,” I remember, “Why was Michaela in such a hurry?”

“Her assignment was going to be born in five minutes and she wanted to make sure everything went according to plan,” Lillian says excitedly.

I nod, turn around and fly away, holding my parchment tightly in my hand, not daring to look at it. Why would Zacharias assign me to a criminal? It’s not like I’ve ever done anything wrong to deserve it… Matthew Martin, it sounds familiar.

 

When I finally reach room 4815 I stop and wait for a minute before I enter. I exhale the cold air heavily then enter the room. A large, dark screen takes up a whole wall and my new bed is next to a window looking out onto the Grand Waterfall. I gaze out and see children running around, their parents frantically rounding them up. Then I hear a loud thud and turn around to find the culprit. It came from the screen. I see a young man’s face looking fiendishly at another who would be at least twenty years older than him. The younger one must be Matthew, but I have no clue as to who the older one might be.

“Matt, calm down. You don’t really want to kill me. I’m your father for Christ’s sake,” the older man tells Matthew.

“Pathetic, you are. Trying to sympathise with me just like mother did,” Matthew spits at him.

His father doesn’t reply but merely stands there with his mouth open.

Matthew seems rather, uncaring; exactly what I didn’t want in my new assignment. What’s happening is really confusing. It almost seems as though his father is about to be… no, that’s ridiculous.

“Please, Matt, you know I love you. I always have,” his father begs.

“Oh get over yourself! You love me now that you’re about to die, just like mother,” Matthew yells at his father who is down on his knees, his hands cupped in front of his face while he utters something into them.

“Please son, I’m your only fam...”

“SHUT UP!”

I turn around and close my eyes as I hear the scream.

“Pathetic,” Matthew repeats, spitting on his father’s lifeless body.

I watch my new assignment in utter horror as he carries his father’s limp body across the room and drops it on the floor. He opens the lid of an esky and a large puff of mist erupts out. He lifts up the body and heaves it in. When he’s done he closes the cover heavily and rubs his hands together jumpily as though he just won the lottery.

I feel like marching straight over to Zacharias and demanding that he let me change assignment before I kill him, too. But Zacharias would never listen; once he chooses an assignment for you, you must keep them. I look back at Matthew and see him cleaning a sharp blade with a red-stained towel.

“You can never trust anyone. Everyone lies, everyone cheats, everyone hates,” he murmurs to himself in a sinful tone. “You can only rely on yourself. Even your own parents are evil.”

I sit down on a chair and listen very carefully to him.

“Why does everyone try and fool me? Pathetic and weak, they have nothing better to do,” he says almost slicing his fingers off. 

“Help me Lord,” I moan as I pull myself up.

What is wrong with people these days? They all used to be so loving and helpful. Now everything is about who can be the richest or the most powerful. Matthew is the pathetic one.

I trudge over towards the door and let myself out. Matthew’s voice still rings in my ears as he continues to mumble to himself. The room was making me feel claustrophobic.

 

When I’m out I look down the long line of rooms, each numbered in ascending order. I look at my sheet and remember Gabriel was before me. He would be number 4814 then. I look to my right and go to the next door. Right before I knock Gabriel opens the door and gives me his usual big grin.

“Isaiah, please come in,” he beams.

“Thank you, you must be happy about you new assignment,” I say, trying to hide my jealousy. 

I see him nod, his beaming, bright blue eyes shimmering in the light.

“I got a young boy called Luke. He’s going to be a famous musician,” he says while imitating playing a harp.

“You’re very lucky, Gabriel.”

“What about you Isaiah? Who did you get?” Gabriel asks concernedly.

I sigh and look at him, “I got Ryan the third’s old one, Matthew Martin.”

“I do remember Ryan always complaining about him. I’m sorry to hear that,” Gabriel says honestly.

“Don’t worry yourself, I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll even be able to straighten him out,” I chuckle, not convincing myself. “Anyway, I didn’t come over to feel sorry for myself, I was wondering if I could stay with you and, um, Luke, for just a little while?”

“Why of course!” Gabriel says; he’s a person that could never say no.

I pat him on the shoulder gratefully and sit down.

Reviews

[buoyantMaureen]

Try to vary your sentence structure a little bit more. Almost all of your sentences in the first paragraph begin with a noun.

I have a hard time following your narrator at the beginning of your story in the beginning. It feels like you’re not taking full advantage of your 1st person POV. There’s almost no personal investment or feelings in the first couple of paragraphs. This could just as easily be 3rd person and it would, actually, be a lot easier to keep track of characters. If you want to keep the 1st person narration I think you definitely can, but try to remain within your character’s head; instead of just restating the action around her, try to tell it in a way that conveys Isaiah’s personality into everything that he sees.

Also I get he’s an angel, so this is a personal choice, but I could not tell that your main character was a guy. Isaiah is a boy’s name but even then I’m still not so sure.

When you talk about Mathew’s reassignment I have no idea who developed mental problems, his guardian or Mathew; you’re pronouns aren’t clear. (same problem with when you say: “He’s going to grow up to be a priest” I don’t know who is growing up to be a priest, the little boy or Ryan.) Also if Ryan had mental problems, I don’t think his sister would be so casual about it.

I’m guessing from the line: “He’s going to grow up to be a priest” and “He’s going to be a famous musician”, means you’re going to be dealing with predestination. That’s good! It’s a complicated and I’m looking forward to it!

Also, if they are angels, how do they have brothers or sisters at all? Unless they were people who were once human themselves, so I suppose that’s something to learn later on.

I have no idea what this world looks like. Tell me! I want to know! This is a strange new world and I want to be a part of it. All I have so far is that there are rooms that lead to the human world? I’m still confused.

I think you’re taking this Mathew thing way too lightly. He is not relatable or redeemable at all, after the reader has seen something like that.

The concept is great but you have to make Mathew a more sympathetic character or, if you want it to be a dark story, you have to have your Isaiah care a lot more that he’s a psychopath.

wow, this review got really long. Sorry! hope this was useful!

[oops sorry (not really)]

no, it's fine.....matthew is sick...MENTALLY not physically

(there i have reviewed some of your stuff :D)

[Katy Knight]

I know it's long...