Hour One

Get introduced to Sunshine Steve and the two other members of the radio team. It's a balmy day but with a hurricane headed towards the island and an overturned U.N. convoy, things are headed downward.

Good morning everyone. The voice you’re hearing come out of those crazy sound boxes of yours belongs to me, Sunshine Steve and you are tuned into the number one English speaking station in the capital, Radio Zanzibar. Well, you asked for it and now you are getting it. My first twenty-four hour radio broadcast challenge. From now until seven o’clock tomorrow morning you will hear nothing but my voice. My voice, and the rocking music I’ll be playing for you. The weather in just a bit, but first, some foreshadowing for the forecast, here is Steel Drum Island playing Hot Hot Hot.

Jesus, Khalfani, this is the best crap you can give me to play? Do these people actually like this s**t?

Better believe it, Jack. You Americans and your rock and roll. How can you stand that stuff?

Name's Steve, and I’d take rock over this any day. Hey, what are they bringing me to eat during this shift? Who’s stupid idea was this anyway? I never had to do anything like this back in the states.

You know exactly who’s idea it was. And just remember, you wouldn’t have to be doing this here if you weren’t running from the law. Besides, you’re getting pilau, you should be grateful.

Oh I’m grateful alright. So grateful if that stuff gives me the runs I’m gonna take it out on you.

Haha, my friend, you speak big, but you have a lot to learn about our culture. You’re back on in three, two, one…

Gives you the chills doesn’t it folks? What won’t be giving you the chills this morning is the temperature. It’s a balmy ninety-three out there but don’t let your guard down, the feel is just under one hundred at ninety nine degrees. Make sure you remember to drink plenty of water.

Hey, speaking of water, that reminds me of an old joke. Where do fish sleep? In a water bed! No? My producer is shaking his head at me. I guess that means no more jokes. Sorry ladies and gents, this is going to be a serious only, no laughing broadcast. Anyone caught laughing will be arrested and sent to jail. Speaking of jail, later on the mayor of Zanzibar City is coming in to be my guest. Now, I know a lot of you want to see him go to jail, but please, give him a chance. He is a great guy, I promise.

For those of you out driving, please be careful. There was a horrible accident down by Zanzibar Park and I Petro. Apparently a U.N. convoy was overturned. It still isn’t clear what they were transporting but expect delays. More on that when the beautiful Panya makes her way out there to report live from the scene. Enough fluff, how about some more music. First we have No Woman No Cry by Bob Marley, followed by one of my favorites, Margaritaville.

I could use a margarita myself. Why do you guys keep it so hot in here?

No air conditioning.

What? You people are f*****g nuts.

Like I said, you have a lot to learn about Zanzibar.

Yeah, yeah, so they tell me. Has Panya made it out there yet?

Not yet, the texted me. The accident is causing a real mess on the road. Traffic is backed up at least a mile ahead of the Magufuli Mosque.

The Magafoo what?

Careful, that is religion around here. Don’t insult it, bad luck.

Okay, okay, sorry. God, I love this song.

Meh, it is decent. Do you think you’ll be able to last the whole twenty-four hour challenge?

I sure aim to, the big boss said I get five hundred smackaroons if I can. I’m not one to pass up money no matter what the amount is.

Smackaroons? You sure have a strange way of speaking. What was so bad what you did in America that you had to come to here to hide out?

That, my friend, is a story for another time. Any updates yet?

Soon. You’ll have to stall for a bit. Panya said she got out of the jeep and started walking by foot. She should be there any moment. Commercials are on after these songs, come out here for a second, look at this.

Sure, just when I’m getting comfortable. Alright… Hey, what is that big blob there moving towards the island?

That is unfortunately a hurricane and it is headed right for us. We are going to want to get this on the news right away for people.

Shouldn’t we be taking shelter somewhere? That looks dangerous.

It’s only dangerous if you are caught out in it, which is exactly why we need to warn people. That is part of our job. Haven’t you ever done this radio thing before?

Listen, I like to keep my employment list to a minimum. Being a bum is a hobby of mine. Why haven’t I heard about this death blob before now?

Because you are too lazy to listen to the radio. Hold on, it’s Panya…

Pan-- calm-- calm down. Panya. What?... Are there any others? Wh-- Okay, keep us updated please.

It doesn’t look good at the accident site. One vehicle on fire, a U.N. semi is laying on its side. At least one U.N. soldier is dead.

What about civilians? What was the truck carrying?

She doesn’t know yet. Get back in there, you are on.

I’ve got some updates for you commuters regarding the accident by Zanzibar Park. A semi truck carrying unknown United Nations cargo has overturned and another is on fire. We’ve been patched in to Panya who is live at the scene with more information. Panya, can you hear me?

Yes, Steve. I can hear you loud and clear.

Good. Can you describe the scene for us? What is going on?

Earlier this morning, around seven ten, a United Nations convoy was heading north towards the central region. At approximately seven fifteen an explosion was heard which appears to have been an attack on the convoy itself. Two of the vehicles were overturned, one was an armored personnel carrier and the other a semi.

And are there any casualties?

Only one casualty has been reported so far. A low ranking U.N. soldier that was part of the security escort. Steve, this is a mess out here. Traffic is at a dead stop. I’m going to move in closer to see if I can get an interview with someone.

You be careful, Panya. Alright, there you have it, from the mouth of our very own Panya putting herself in the line of danger to get you the details. Rest assured, Sunshine Steve will be here with you every step of the way.

It only gets better from here. We have a hurricane heading straight for us. I’m being told it could be diverted and just miss us, but even if it does we are still going to see some pretty nasty weather. That reminds me of a story from when I was a kid. I grew up in one of those homes where the dad is just a figment of your imagination. Anyway, it was the first day of school and my mom is about to leave for work, she worked on the opposite side of town see, so I had to walk to school. So she is standing there, and she tells me “Steve, the forecast said it was going to rain today Why don’t you have any of your rain gear on? Where is your coat, and your boots?” Now, I’m one of those stubborn kids, the kind that got horrible grades but if you kid them about it they turn you upside down in the toilet. I wanted to look cool so I decided I wasn’t going to wear them. Well, I tell you, I looked cool. Joe cool, Sunshine Steve cool. Until it started raining.

Please, this we aren’t doing this for entertainment people. This is serious. A hurricane is headed our way and you need to prepare. I’d go hide myself but my producer won’t let me. How do you like that? Willing to sacrifice me for the good of the people. Makes you feel loved don’t it? Speaking of love, here is UB40 with Can’t Help Falling In Love.

You made that story up.

Damn right I did. There is a lot you need to learn about me. For starters, I always lie, and that’s the truth.

Shut up.

Hey, if I shut up that makes for a real boring radio show doesn’t it? Let’s make a bet, if you can survive this whole show with me, I’ll split the prize money with you. Half and half.

Deal. I just got another text from Panya. She says that emergency response is now on scene and is pushing everyone back. They are saying that the semi was carrying something very sensitive but aren’t telling what it is.

Keep her on it, I want that news. Are there any updates coming across the wire yet?

Nothing.

Okay, no problem. We can do this. We will just have to remain creative. Hey, keep me updated about that hurricane would you? Not for the listener’s sake, for myself. That thing scares the hell out of me.

If that isn’t one of the best songs I have ever heard then I don’t know what is! I want to apologize for all the breaks between songs. Today is the day for news, as it were. Between this accident and that blasted hurricane, why, a few of us might just be lucky enough to pull through.

I hope all you fisherman have already packed up and started heading back into port. Don’t want to be stuck out there when the waves start coming in or you could end up swimming with the fishes.

More on the accident. Emergency response is now at the scene. Another casualty has been reported. This one was a civilian scientist that was in the convoy. Scientist, huh? Well, that sure is interesting. Police have pushed everyone back and created a barrier while medics are starting to work on some of the other victims. As of yet, they aren’t telling us what the cargo was but I’m betting we can assume it is something nasty. Maybe one of those crazy government viruses that turns monkeys into intelligent beings. Wooooooh, scary stuff, huh?

You’re listening to Sunshine Steve on Zanzibar Radio. We’ll be right back after these commercials.