Fight

A poem about fighting depression and suicide

Fight

09/28/2020

 

I’m 20 years old

Can you believe that?

 

I never thought I’d make it

Not with the war going on

The one in my head

The one I fight mostly

Laying in my bed

Whether I’m awake or

Sleeping, I fight the

Big fight, the fight

For my life

It’s a back and forth

Battle, do I stay

Alive or dead

It’s actually complicated

Many factors to play in

Freedom, self-worth and incarceration

Do I value myself enough,

To keep on going?

Am I financed enough,

To keep my life flowing?

Is there ammunition enough

To end it all?

 

Its been going on for 8 years

Do you know how many times I

Almost lost?

There were some close ones

And not so close ones

Okay, there was one close one

But the other times,

Do you know how defeated I was?

How close I came?

To ending it all

The only thing that held

Me back at those times

Was that there were no

Easy way out

Not successfully

Not definitely

But I rose up eventually

And I lived to fight

Another day

 

Of this horrible, cruel war

To fight to make things right

And to pay my debts

To try to make it better

All I have to do is

Hold it together

 

But do you know how hard

It is to keep fighting?

Even if it’s the only thing

I can do

I don’t even have a choice

At least not now

But I know one thing though,

 

I want to make my mamma proud.