Old Friend

Depression can be like an old friend

Old Friend

09/28/2020

 

I through my notebook away

A year’s worth of memos,

Thoughts, poems, personal info

It was part of a plan to shut down

But you know t don’t commit to my plans

For long.

They sound so good at the moment but

Knowing in the back of my heads it’s

So wrong.

See

Depression is an old friend to me

That goes away but eventually comes

Back. He wraps me up in his big black

Cloak

And puts a noose around my throat

But I know I’m not going to choke.

Depression and me, we’re old friends, it’s

Almost like a joke.

Instead of laughing I’m silent

Instead of swaying I’m compliant

But in my head I’m contemplating

I think of ways to get out

I want to scream and shout

But all I can do is sit and pout

I can’t let it out

Not in this place

This place you have to be aggressive

This place you have to freak out

Bang on the doors, bang on the windows

You can’t ever win, but you can deal some

Blows

Let it travel with your thoughts

From plans, to suicide, to escaping

Everything you haven’t tried

Homicide, assault, to battery

Oh wait, I lied

I’ve been charged with all of those

Now I only have a year left

And it feels so close

At least that’s what everybody else thinks

But I’m cynical and pessimistic

Realistic

I think they aren’t going to let me out

Even after they tied my hands behind

My back, threw me in the water with

The sharks

Told me I have a chance if I

Cause no bites

But in this place, you have to be aggressive

I can’t even bang on the windows

Or bang on the doors

I never won and when I dealt a blow

It was me bleeding on the floors

When the sharks smell blood they’re out to attack

And I’m trying as hard as I can to hold back

I fight with being different, I fight with

Education, trying to get my college degree

Hoping the judge will release me.

I stay to myself, at the edge of the

Water avoiding the slaughter

But you see

Depression and me

We’re old friends.