New story about another asylum

It’s a story about two girls that have to go to a asylum because they were considered dangerous and unstable. They both have powers and don’t know it yet. Part 1

 Katie and Veronica sat in the back of the facility’s white van, they were both restrained in straitjackets. Katie was screaming and crying while Vi was trying to break out of the van. Bennet was in the back of the van with them, he was trying his best to comfort Katie while also ensuring that Veronica did not hurt herself trying to get out. After awhile Veronica had worn herself out and fallen asleep, Katie found herself buried in Bennet’s arms asleep, They eventually made it to the facility. Lindsay opened up the van door from the outside waking the girls. Tyler watching from behind her taking notes. this only got Katie going again. she cried as Bennet picked her up bridal style, Veronica got herself up and walked out of the truck. Lindsay quickly grabbed Vi so she didn’t run. They were walked into the facility through a back door. then they were led into what seemed like an interrogation room, there was a table with chairs on both sides, it seemed that they were bolted to the floor. There was a false mirror on the wall with a room on the other side. As they walked in the girls were let out of the straitjackets, Bennet and Lindsay went to opposite sides of the room ready to intervene if things went south.  Tyler walked into the other room so he could watch what happened, Mildred was sitting in there writing notes on the girls for later. Tyler saw her and said, “how many people are going to come to this place, it’s ridiculous”. Mildred gave him a dirty look stood up and went into the room where the girls were. She walked to a chair at the table her heels clicking on the tile floor. “Hello, girls! How are you?” Mildred asked being friendly. “Oh hey girls, I’m so glad you're here so I can kill you!” Veronica mocked.  “Don’t Veronica”  Lindsay warned.  Mildred chuckled “ah Lindsay it’s fine, I understand it may seem like I’m evil miss Veronica but I’m only here to help you!” Mildred wrote a note on her clipboard and smiled. Katie just sat there looking at the table silently. Bennet walked over putting his hand on Katie’s shoulder “are you, okay sweets?” Vi recognized the behavior “um can you give us a minute alone?” Mildred nodded then they walked into the room where Tyler was.  Vi tipped Katie’s head up to see her crying. She held her hands “it’s going to be alright, I will get us out of here, I promise” she pulled Katie in a tight hug. Bennet walked in a worried expression spread onto his face. He rushed over a pulled Katie by the hand into the hallway.   Bennet sat her down in the hallway and kneeled down to her level his bright green eyes staring into hers.  “We are only here to help, we don’t want to hurt you.”  Katie looked at him upset. “If you wanted to help us, you would let us go.” She whispered.  Bennet nodded standing up, he stood her up and they walked back into the room where Lindsay and Veronica were. Katie sat back down next to Vi and Bennet went back into the corner signaling for Mildred to come back in. Mildred walked back in, writing in her clipboard.  “We are done here, go ahead and bring them to their cells.” she smiled. 

Author's Note

Lol sorry. Um. I’m just a teen who likes writing 😅. Sorry for grammar stuff.

Reviews

[JayG]

• Sorry for grammar stuff.

Worth thinking about: Since the day you began to read, you’ve chosen only fiction written with the skills of the profession known as Fiction-Writing. And so has everyone you know. You expect fiction to be written with those skills and others expect it from you. So why have you not taken the time to learn any of them? You expect people to ignore what’s missing or wrong? Readers cut you no break. They expect you to work at pleasing them. And how can you do that without the things that make reading fun?

You have no paragraphing. You’re sometimes using comas in place of periods. You begin sentences with and without a capital letter. So you’re misusing grammar AND punctuation. So you’re ignoring pretty much all the things that make reading easy and fun for the reader. But you expect people to ignore that? Why?

You’re making the mistake of thinking that Story, with a deliberate capital S—the flow of events—is the important thing to a reader. So your approach is “This happened…then that happened… and after that…” But story, with a small S is what matters to a reader. They want you to make them care, and feel as if they’re living the story in real-time, moment-by-moment, not hearing about it in overview. The story’s events only the thing that motivates the protagonist to act, to worry, and plan. But since we don’t know what’s going on in their heads, your characters do things for no reason the reader is aware of. Reading that is as exciting as reading a history book.

Here’s the deal: Writing fiction is a profession, and like all others is learned IN ADDITION to ourschool-day writing skills. But you’ve not taken the time to master them.

If you want to write fiction that the reader will enjoy, and I hope you do, you have no choice but to master the basics, like punctuation, structure, and grammar. And to that you add to that the techniques of the profession. That’s a LOT of work. They offer four-year majors in the universities on commercial fiction writing, and you have to assume that at least some of that is necessary.

So…all that work worth it? Well, mastering the writing skills of grade-school are because you need them in life. As for the rest? Only you can decide that.