The darkest days

A re-write

The darkest days

Winter of 1992 was holding on and I was hiding out on Highway one. I brought the vodka and pineapple juice to Big Sur. Me and my soldier friend Robert Padget are drinking hard.  He was yelling at the sea and he told the sea to f-off. I laughed at him standing near the moving water. I thought, how small we are. Padget was a wild man. He was Baltimore born and he loved to test life and the Army system. He taught me how to suicide board the Pacific ocean and he was hell-bounded. He didn’t care.

I walked to the hidden path at Big Surf. You climb-up to a mountain peak and you can see forever. I said a prayer.

“Please Lord. Forgive me for the sin of drinking the gin, whisky and the tequila, forgive me for becoming a barren soul and alone. Once I held great dreams and today I’m damned. Somehow I got twisted and I’m used up, I lost my mind and I lost my heart. Dead brothers and bad decisions led me to a poor ending. Now I love the drink, the free highway and the long-legged ladies. Please show me, the darkest days are needed to show us. The light of hope can be found again. Thank you for the sea and thank you Lord, for keeping me safe from my insanity.”

The highway is a fine teacher.  It showed you new places, it teaches you the gin and juice become bitter with time. It teaches us. Women may come and go, love is rare and sweet. Love is like a desert flower, rarely bloomed and a blessing to see and behold.

I looked at the mirror yesterday. I saw a stranger. Old face had left and new face, wore and torn eyes looking gray and lonely. I went back to Padget. Crazy man is trying to escape the rocks and go into the open sea. I joined him. We can never escape the rocks. Big Sur, wild sea and perfect place to dance with the sea.

Big Sur, teaches us. We are just mere sand in a world of great oceans and great land mass. We are just visitors upon the earth.

Old men love the dark days. Filled with anger and hard dreams. Today Johnnie would love to visit Big Sur. This time he would escape the rocks and suicide board down the coastlines of Big Sur. Find the hidden bay filled with crystals of many colors. He would leave them be, just hold them for a moment. Old men know, love the dangerous days and love the good days more.

                              John Castellenas/Coyote

Author's Note

Just words.

Reviews

[CMC]

Interesting. The tense is a little spotty, but it doesn't distract me from the bigger messages, and that might be an element of the character's vernacular in the poem. You convey lots of strong emotions about different aspects of life (rarity of love, shortness of life, how small we are compared to it all), and I respect that.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Chris. I appreciate the honest comment.

[CMC]

You're very welcome. If you want to ask anything more of me about this peace, feel free to use the writerscafe messaging. :)

[Chris Shaw]

We need the dark days to truly appreciate the good. It's all about balance. You brought me such vivid imagery of your wild friend Padget, standing before the sea telling it where to go. Better out than in I say. I can think of no better place to offload than standing before the vastness of the ocean. That's big enough to take all the verbal abuse under the sun

Chris.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are right dear Chris. We need the lakes, the sea to talk with. Thank you for reading and the comment.

[Stella Armour]

Soldiers need an escape from what they see and have to do, it's a hard life that leaves lots of mental scars.
Recognizing that the ocean is big and timeless would be a wonderful distraction ... go find those multi coloured crystals John and think of your army friends :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A dangerous way to those cliffs. Can see them and the sea protect them. Even young and strong. Pacific kept them safe and thank you dear Stella for reading and the comment.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear John... old men and older women are simply Pearls
to cherish... filled with wisdom and a glow that only the
Sea knows. Never underestimate the value of a life well
painted by the Artist of his or her soul. Remember...
when the sky is the darkest, the Star shines the brightest.
truly, Pat

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree dear Pat and thank you for reading and the comment. I do appreciate.

[gram linski]

I think every one has been on the dark side of the moon, and you are on the same bus as Kerouac and friends, I can hear the surf, vibrating in my brain great piece of prose

[Coyote Poetry]

Big Sur. Cannot be tamed. A wonderful place and thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.

[Weeping willow]

Wow! life can be such a hard ride, wonderfully expressed ;-] your words touch the heart and soul.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did visit Big Sur last year. Water, was too cold in May to conquer the sea. Maybe one day. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment.