No me without you

Joy has loved Seth for a long time despite his inability to be responsive. Behind Seth's unresponsiveness is his upbringing. Misunderstanding follows. One thing Seth wont do is live without Joy.

As much as Joy wanted the moment to last, she knew it was racing to the finish line. She shivered as a sense of loss wrapped about her as an iced blanket would. Even his intoxicating scent didn’t chase away the sense of loss.

Why did life have to be so complicated? Why did it have to be him? The one whose heart wasn’t open for love? Her heart had to go and fall in love with the one who couldn’t return that love, Joy thought bitterly.

Taking in a deep breath savouring the scent of him, wondering if this would be the last time he would come to her. Because tonight, she sensed she had pushed him too far. Five years yearning for some sort of reciprocation, a sign that she had managed to thaw that glacial ice that seemed to encase him.

 As soon as she stretched her body along his, she felt his body come alive, aware. Leaning forward, she began tracing her lips over his chest, slowly tracing her lips all the way up to his neck, her hands following the trace her lips had left.

I love you, she thought it out to him, letting the taste of him linger. I love you, and her lips were kissing his jaw. Beneath her, she heard his breath speed up as her lips trailed his cheek, and brushing his lips.

 

Seth was breathless and he didn’t think he could take it anymore, yet he wanted more. He wanted her. Needed her. She was the light he saw, the star he focused on when the world threatened to drag him down. She was kissing him now, loving him so tenderly. He didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t earned the right to her love. It was not how he was conditioned from childhood.

Growing up, his father had told him he had to earn love. Since he never seemed to accomplish anything to get the kind of standard that meant earning love from him, he was always a disappointment. He knew now. To earn love, one had to work hard for it. Soon the little cottage he was building for her by the stream will be completed. And he couldn’t wait to show it to her. Holding her face in both of his hands, he pulled her down for a kiss, hoping at least the kiss said what he couldn’t. And when he made love to her, he let every drop of love encasing his soul wash over her. She was life, his life.

With her arms wrapped around her waist, Joy stared out of the window as Seth tiwsted the black metal gothic-style gate handle. He turned and smiled at her before pulling it shut. She watched as he stepped inside his car, and drove away. Away from her, Away from her life. She couldn’t do this anymore, she couldn’t keep seeing him, knowing she will never touch his heart. She turned away from the window and let the curtains fall.

 

Seth smiled, ridiculously happy. In his hand, he held the cottage’s title deed. The cottage was beautiful, more than he had expected it to be. Rows of daisies surrounding the cottage danced lazily to the spring’s breeze. He couldn’t wait to see her face. The cottage was so her.

Suddenly, he felt nervous. What if she didn’t like it? He had been so sure she would. There was only one way to find out. He got inside his car, placed the title deed carefully on the passenger seat, restarted the car and drove away.

As he walked up the pebbled path leading to her house, he wiped his hands on his trousers. He glanced at the window. He didn’t feel anything. Usually, he felt her presence at the window even before he knocked the door. Her waiting for him. It was pure connection and awareness. He stood at the door and pressed the bell.

Minutes later the door was opened and Seth sucked in a sharp breath. His Joy. Dark circles around her eyes marred the beauty of her brown gaze. Her curly locks looked starved, dishevelled. Oh her lips! Had she been crying?

“Joy?” He said. She glanced up at him as if startled.

“I thought " I thought you weren’t coming back,” She said, arms folded across her chest, her eyes wide.

Seth’s chest tightened. “Don’t you want me here?”

“No, no, I do,” Joy unfolded her arms and touched his hand and pulled him inside the small hallway. He was in heaven. “I didn’t think you will ever come back.”

Seth glanced at her bewildered. “Why should I never come back? Joy, you are- " “ he paused and swallowed the words, “I am- "“ He paused again, staring at the envelope in his hand and cleared his throat. “First things first,” he lifted his gaze to hers, “This is for you.”

Joy looked up at him as if unsure of what she should do with the envelope.

“Take it, It’s yours.” He urged her softly.

Tentatively, she stretched her hand and plucked the envelope from his fingers. He watched her, his need to see how she will react surpassing the need to breath.

Her eyes widened whether in disbelief, in surprise or both he couldn’t tell.

“It’s yours. A cottage for you.”

Seth watched as tears filled her eyes. She swiped at them with the back on her hand.

“You didn’t need to buy me a cottage, Seth.”

“Don’t you like it?”

“Seth, I love you. After you left I didn’t think  I would ever see you again. I thought I angered you.”

Seth closed the space between them and pulled her into his arms. “Anger me? You could never do that.” He paused, suddenly realising why she had seemed unsure before. He cursed himself and hurried to reassure her. “I don’t know how to say words you say so easily. I am sorry if I seemed unresponsive before. “ He pulled her away from his chest and held her at arm length. “You are my life, Joy. If you accept me for who I am I will endeavour to be more open. You’ve loved me. You love me. There is no me without you, Joy.” He lowered his head and brushed his lips on hers. He lifted his head and glanced down at her. Her closed eyes fluttered open, her hands around his neck. She pulled him down to her and kissed him slow and passionate, then broke away the kiss.

“Marry me, Seth.”

Seth stared at her transfixed. She had taken the words right from his thoughts to her lips.

His happiness soared.

“Marry me, Joy.”

Silence stretched around them. Speaking with their eyes, they opened there lips and uttered a single word simultaneously.

“Yes.”