Goodbye Forever

A poem that reflects my own healing.

GOODBYE FOREVER

Never will a time come again,
when I escape into and get lost in a high which filled me with such false pleasure.

During days and nights of plunder,
Holding on to memory's and dreams
unshared and always believed treasured.

These words I write to you, with hopes they keep me aware and filled with wonder.
Also to show how much I thought I cared when I didn't as my soul was measured.

Tenderly, and cautiously, yet honestly, a wish come true.

Even if now behind the haze with-in your highs does not reflect with-out, what you tried to help me hide and forget inside as I blazed.

It cries no more within me for the love, I believed denied to me.
I know now it had to come from myself.

From the first time I sat down beside you,
when looking into your cloud, deep down I could hear a child calling for help.

I knew you would save me.

In the moment I made you mine. My heart became yours.

While time went by,
I often lost my breath, and choked on your harshness.
Then hearing my thoughts begin again with gentle sighs as I was being guided through to you.

I couldn't wait to hold you,
and couldn't understand how to say goodbye.

Then each time I Finlay felt you in my lungs I knew I didn't try.

It was that,
this would be goodbye forever.

As you kissed my lips,
to taste you in each breath.
Mesmerized by your stench and overwhelmed with the fire in your caress. I knew I was still holding on. Refusing to let go of my will.

I knew with each exhale, that I could and that's what I needed to do and see.

That loosing myself from the first time,
and again each time under the full moon,
that shines across the oceans of emotions so true that what I felt wasn't real nor it should it be.

I thought,
I loved you.

Now I find myself here,
wondering if I could have healed my heart from breaking by taking back these moments throughout all the years I shared with you, which I handed over for the taking.

Even if it these memory's I have of you,
which prolonged this pain,
From missing my real smile and touch of innocence, which I wondered if still remained apart of my spirt and soul.

Leaving me never to be the same. I have to thank you still for delivering me to this day.

So I'll take this hurt,
and accept what I can not change.

Now I have the wisdom and strength to never hold onto this loveless pain, with no shame.

Even behind my rage and anger, I 
still remember from where I came.

I enjoyed your ways,
along with the way you made me feel.
As I fell for you,
and tore my heart on a flower,
I loved, yet barely knew.

Now I'm not afraid to open my eyes,
for fear of losing the dreams I had as 
I fought to let go, and clearly wished to deny.

I know,
As I try, searching my mind,
asking my heart,
before our last time. If I'll ever find my way.

I know now that we had to part in order to create a new start.

It's no longer tearing me to pieces,
as I was torn a part by the reasons,
Why I had to leave myself behind after changing continually like the seasons in my mind.

While the seconds continue to flow, in each new second,
I know.

Returning back to myself and now not so lonely road.

My spirit continued to grow.

Refusing to miss you and wishing for truth again while resisting you and your noose.

To find me, my fallen angel, the one I've never truly known how to hold.

So now free as you were when I met you,
as when I left you,
high in the sky after blowing you out saying goodbye forever.

That I didn't say it to me when I left at only a few years old.

I know truth was my sacrifice, to feel free.

As I open my eyes,
to wipe my ever lasting fears away,
caused by the realization that I was blind to see, I didn't need you, it was you that needed me.

Author's Note

I'm proud of this one for my own personal reasons.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and good words and thoughts.
"As I open my eyes,
to wipe my ever lasting fears away,
caused by the realization that I was blind to see, I didn't need you, it was you that needed me"
I like the honest thoughts leading to the very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[PANDORA]

Letting go, truly letting go is such a gift. A gift I have yet to master.

Thank you for so boldly sharing your feelings.

[Lyingwithlions]

Thank you so much for your comment. I'm just wondering if it's pretty clear of what I let go of? What was your interpretation? If you don't mind me asking?

[PANDORA]

For me, and I think every reader gets there own interpretation, it really sounded like an addiction that was battled with.

[Lyingwithlions]

Good. This was originally a poem for a past love. (which I may post in the future) but I thought it would be fun to change it around to see how much would need to be changed to read exactly that. Thanks again!

[Dara]

This would be awesome as a 'spoken word' in an open mic session. A simply magnificent write filled with true emotion. I will save this one into my 'library' for special keeping.