Love In Between: Part 2

                It had been a week since Jensen had talked to me. While showing him around the school the day after our parents met, he found where he belonged in the corrupted high school democracy. Of course, I was still invisible. I couldn’t seem to figure out why it bothered me so much that Jensen forgot about me. All day I let my mind wonder into the farthest corners of my thought process to pull together some reasoning behind the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach when I thought about him.

                When leaving my last class of the day, I saw Jensen walking down the hallway talking to Rebecca Moore. She was the “Queen” of our school. Of course she would show interest in Jensen. He was cute and obviously smart. Who couldn’t resist his eyes? I shook my head and walked towards the exit before he saw me staring. I felt angry, confused and sad all at the same time. It looked like tonight would be a night spent at the library. Of course Jensen would pick Rebecca over me. She was gorgeous. I was not. She wore heels everyday while I wore converse. Wow. I feel like I am living a Taylor Swift song.

                 I walked into the library with tears flowing down my cheeks. My face was hot and for some terrible reason I felt more insecure than I ever had. Thurma caught me at the door and pulled me into a tight hug. “What happened sweetheart?” I couldn’t tell her what happened, because none of it made any sense. Jensen was just a boy. I barely knew him and I couldn’t understand my feelings towards him.

                After about an hour, I pulled myself together and made my way to the back of the library. I sat in my cubby and listened to the other readers flip through their pages frantically as they tried to discover what would happen next in the world they were placing themselves in. Books could take you anywhere, but no matter what you still have to come back to face reality. Sometimes, we get so caught up in reading stories that we forget to live our own.

                “Carter?” I looked up to find Jensen standing in front of me.

                “Jensen? What are you doing here?” Pure shock ran through me. My heart started racing and fluttering so loudly I thought it was going to grow wings and fly out of my chest.

                “I have been trying to hang out with you all week. Every time I called your house your mom said she didn’t know where you were. So I decided to try here today.” He smiled and sat down in front of me.

                “Oh. Okay.” I crossed my arms and smiled at him.

                “Carter. I have to ask you something.” He leaned in slightly. I could feel his body heat now.

                “Okay. What?” I sat there as still as a rock and waited.

                “Where is the bathroom?” A smile slowly crept across his face.

                I sat there in shock for a short moment and then couldn’t help but burst out in laughter. “You are such a jerk.” I put my hands over my face and felt tears creep down my cheeks. Tears that are caused by laughter.

                “Okay. What I meant to say was… Carter, can I see your library?” I smiled as I wiped away the tears.

                “What about Rebecca?” I crossed my arms and gave him a stern look.

                “Well, I don’t think she has a library. So she didn’t make it on my list.” He smiled and leaned in close and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. My heart fluttered and I felt like I was going to pass out. This couldn’t be real. I never once thought any guy would show any interest in me. Jensen was so handsome and charming. This had to be a fairytale.

 

To Be Continued...

Reviews

[Calibaster]

I wish I could have a fairytale like this! I'm not gonna lie, I'm way jealous! :) Great job! Can't wait for the next part! :) ;)

[Dan Hiland]

I like this. Her safe haven at the library (reserved for her), the heels vs Converse observation, the corrupted high school democracy- who hasn't felt that way?

My suggestion- now that this is on solid footing- would be to tighten up the writing. Dump the six adverbs in the frist two-thirds of the story. All they do is distract from what you are already saying.

Then trim down sentences like the following: "All day I let my mind wonder into the farthest corners of my thought process to pull together some reasoning behind the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach when I thought about him."

Another to pare down is: "I sat in my cubby and listened to the other readers flip through their pages frantically as they tried to discover what would happen next in the world they were placing themselves in."

That being said, a lot of your sentences show good variety of length. This helps keep the reader engaged.

Nice job with this- but soon you'd better show the reader what is in that "library."

Thanks for asking me to review this- and thanks for sharing.

[ChikHaley64]

This part is really short. But, part 3 will be the longest and final part of this story! :)