S**t.

Nothing makes sense.

Walking down the hallway felt like wading through water

Only the water is in my head and I feel swimmers ear coming on.

 

We both take that giant leap of faith

praying like hell there will be water at the bottom of this cliff.

.

Theres no clean air left to breathe

My lungs are stuck quivering in my chest

dancing and making waves in my blood so I remember to slow my heart down.

The thought of throwing up keeps my mouth closed.

I'm too scared to scream anyway, and too scared you wont notice I'm falling until I do.

.

Theres no clean water left to drink.

It's getting harder and harder to wash you out of my hair.

 

 

I'm much too busy averting my eyes to look into yours

but not too busy to notice your parachute.

 

I wait for myself to become invisible

and wait for the crash landing when I don't.

 

I lick my top lip and it tastes entirely too much like ocean water.

Entirely too much like my own sweat, and my own fear.

And I know it tastes better when its honest

but I'd much rather lie instead.

Paint pretty pictures in your head until you cant see straight.

Battling my brain until thoughts spill out

voluntarily or not.

Their coming out and not even that crooked smile can save you now.

Not even stop lights or street signs can make excuses for me now.

 

I'm sorry I got tears on your horizontally striped sweater

I guess thats what you get when you play with water.

No intense cries or poetically written lies to cover for me now.

How did I let this get so out of hand?

 

"Life sucks, Chloe. But its something to do while you wait to die."

 

I never said I wasnt a hipocrite, and these socks are'nt getting any less squishy.

This water isnt getting any less cold, and my lungs arent getting any dryer.

I never go back, only forward

 

You'd think I'd be able to breathe,

by now.

 

Author's Note

Okay, so listen.
I typed up the original version of this. It was great. I reread it, and I loved it.
Just as I was clicking "I agree to terms and blah fucking blah",
My computer clicks off.
YES, it clicked off.



So here you go, a watered down version of my brain these days.