Untitled (for Katharine)

Written for a dear relative of mine who was taken tragically too soon. I still miss her xo

In one month, she would die. This realization came as quietly and as swiftly as Death
itself. No one knows the moment that it will happen, but she knew. She had seen it and
there was no way to stop it.
She could have done so much in response. She could have shouted and ranted against
the God she believed in, cursed the Fates for where her life had lead her and implored
the Universe day and night for a miracle to be saved. She could have pitied herself
outright; she could have spent every day pushing her sobs deep down, only releasing
them at night as she pressed her face into her pillow, willing her husband not to wake.
She could have done all of that and no one would have blamed her.
Instead, she asked her husband out on a date, just like she had all those years ago.
She did puzzles with her youngest, gardened with her middle and went on long walks
with her eldest. They had all grown into strong, independent people that she was proud
of. She hugged them all and said everyday that she loved them, and she laughed when
their response was an eye roll and mumbled reciprocation. She wanted this to be as
normal as possible for them, not a time of fear and dread. She contacted all of the
people that she was at odds with for so long and apologized for any and all of her wrong
doing, even though a piece of herself still believed she was in the right. She called all of
her siblings and recounted all of the wonderful and wonder-filled memories of their
childhood. She visited her parent's graves and said that she would see them soon.
She would go and sit on a park bench to feed the ducks. Her husband would sometimes
come along and sit beside her, quietly observing all around him with a small, simple
smile on his face. On these days, she was reminded of her youth and how she had
pictured them feeding the ducks at the ends of their lives, two old gnarled people with so many decades of adventure, family, folly and Love behind them. As so many of us do
in our naïve youth, she believed that Death would be patient and calmly wait for her.
She never dreamt it would call any earlier. On these days, she held her husband’s hand
a little bit tighter.
She prayed. She played with the dog, snuggled the cat. She quietly enjoyed the sunrise
while she drank a cup of coffee. She baked good food that was made from recipes
handed down to her by her grandmother. She sat in her garden and listened to the
sounds of Nature around her. She laughed as often as she could. She thought good
thoughts and revelled in gratitude. She put as much good in her life as she could. She
did everything that the songs and poems tell us to do: everyday that she was alive, she
lived.

The day came. She said goodbye to everyone and everything in her own way. She was
calm and composed; it had been all been taken care of, and she knew that all would
be taken care of after she was gone.
As she laid her head down for the last time, many thoughts crossed her mind: she was
loved and did love. She had faith, and she did the best that she could. She was curious
about the world and sought knowledge and understanding. She believed tears of
sadness were just as much a blessing as tears of laughter. She knew when to fight and
she knew when to give over. She always lived with the intention of being patient, kind
and altruistic, and she forgave herself when she fell short. She lived her life as the best
person she believed she could be.

Her very last thought however was the single most important truth of her whole life. It
was simple and small, but powerful. This Truth went through her soul, shutting all the
windows and locking all of the doors. It checked all the rooms of her long yet brief life,
looking at every picture and trinket that she had collected, admiring and blessing it all as
it quietly left again, shutting out the lights and closing the door softly as if leaving a
sleeping child's room.
She was waiting for the Truth as she stood at the door of this life. They regarded each
other and she knew that the Truth wished to be spoken. As she drew her last breath
and stepped into her next life, the Truth spoke through her, quietly and clearly:

'.... but I'm not ready to go...'

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

Re-read just now and am doing what I did before: cry.

'She would go and sit on a park bench to feed the ducks. Her husband would sometimes
come along and sit beside her, quietly observing all around him with a small, simple
smile on his face. On these days, she was reminded of her youth and how she had
pictured them feeding the ducks at the ends of their lives, two old gnarled people with so many decades of adventure, family, folly and Love behind them. As so many of us do
in our naïve youth, she believed that Death would be patient and calmly wait for her.
She never dreamt it would call any earlier. On these days, she held her husband’s hand
a little bit tighter.'

Comes the time for precious Time when true and complete beauty shows her. face

[emmajoygreen]

Beautiful, intriguing, emotional and more. Your finely laid words have shown Katherine as a truly visual human being who turned a biography into a human being with an enormous heart.

'.... but I'm not ready to go...' : says far, far more than a screed ever could..